The greatest disappointment

I was supposed to pick Taha up from Madrasah today at 10.... He woke me up at 11. Bik Nor (my auntie) had picked him up and sent him home. 5 missed calls and 10 SMSs on my phone just showed me wat a lousy brother I am. I'm so fuckin useless. I especially hate the holidays. I lose all sense of direction. I cant' bury myself in my books, i get away by spending time with my friends, which inevitably mean, i dun do anything constructive and my family just sees less and less of me. I am in a rut. Or rather, my life is. I'm not moving forward in any way. If i were my parents, i'd be extremely disappointed in me. Hell, i'm extremely disappointed with myself. This cavalier attitude to life is gonna bring me down man.. I'm the worst son around, a very bad Muslim, a terrible brother, and sometimes i feel that I'm a very bad friend indeed.. I'm so so fucked up.

And interpersonal relationships always get affected by wat i have to say. It doesn't matter if it was in the best interests of both/all parties, sometimes what i say has an adverse effect on ppl and the worst possible scenario always results. Sha I apologise.. Anyway, it's not only this instance. It's happened before, Krisstel and Gopz, Kris and Faeeza.. I can swear i did my best to make everyone feel better but eventually everything, everyfuckinthing fell apart.. I'm really sorry guys.. The end result speaks for itself..I swear I dun even recognise myself anymore..I fail in every role i have.. well.. i'm the greatest disappointment.