When memories start to burn

I just don't know how to start.

Days of contemplation and tear-inducing flashbacks and suddenly it's so difficult to come up with the words which would run parallel to my exact thoughts and emotions. So I guess it's best not to get emotional.

I guess there's no more fighting left to do now. We gave it our all for the better part of our 2 year relationship. But it was a matter of pushing a rock that never did seem to budge.

Two people who truly care for each other and want to spend the rest of their lives irritating the other should never be forced to part. Not by Parents or Friends or Anyone Else. The decision to remain together should be the sole right of those in the relationship itself. But of course Life always has other ideas.

I was supposed to escape from Work by having a Life and now I'm supposed to use Work to escape from Life itself. I hope that's not some sort of sick and perverse way of having a work-life balance.

I wanted to keep this post as Un-EMO as possible and I hope I've done that. The length and tone of this post in no way does justice to the beauty of what we had together, which will remain engraved in my heart for as long as it functions (both physically and emotionally).

Please forget me and move on. I will try to do the same. We have to do this no matter how much we lose our focus in life and no matter how many tears our pillows soak. To whoever came up with the line, It's better to have loved and lost than not to have loved at all, I hope you have a long stick forced up your arse.

It's always best to love and to be able to keep them. It's just too bad I love you so much that I fully understand and accept why this must be done.

Just remember that if she ever brings up the topic of me, i hope by that time you finally learn to stand up for yourself (and me). Tell her that he can get her all the crystal in the world but I gave her something he will never be able to.

I gave her her daughter back.

I know.. but it's so hard.

It wasn't too long before Nyai came into view. One of my cousins walked off and there I was, face to face with her. Without any hesitation, i hugged her and planted solemn but welcoming kisses on both her cheeks. The moment was brief but nonetheless it was comforting. I remember being overwhelmed by grief the last time i saw my mother's mother.

Yayi was sitting on a couch behind her. I knelt in front of him and held his hands in mine as if I were begging for his forgiveness on Hari Raya. Yet many moons have passed since this last happened. I looked upon his face. A tinge of sorrow outlined the joy i felt.

My lips parted and the words spilled onto his lap.

Thank you Yayi. For bringing us here, to Singapore. From where it is you were.. For all your struggles..

He looked upon my face and did not say a word. Yet somehow I knew what else he wanted me to say. He wanted something from me.

Kenapa kau datang, tangan kau kosong? (Why have you come empty-handed?)

I'm sorry Yayi, I didn't know you were coming. I had no time to go to the ATM to get some money.

What was i saying? I didn't mean to say those words yet they were said because i meant them. Every single word. Mr well-paid came empty handed to meet his grandfather. Nothing in his empty hands. Nothing.

All I wanted was for him to be proud of where i was now. My career. My job. My pay.

I have never seen my grandfather look so disappointed before. Not once when he was alive.

I lay in bed staring at the ceiling.

He never wanted my money. He was always a simple man. A man who only cared for his family. He just wanted me to realise my faith, to pray for him and for every one else I hold so dear, not to be enslaved by material gains..

And somehow, with that dull aching in my heart, I'm still finding it hard to change. Hard to let go of my middle-class yearnings for more.. hard to kickstart my religion again..

Why is it so fucking goddamn hard?

Who needs Valentine's?

Today, she looked resplendent in her gown, all smiles and glitter. She stood tall with her heels, way beyond the height limit that seems to be the unspoken norm between us.

Today, she may have sat on the dais with another man, another model. But someday that man will be me. Once all this is over, i will be able to take her hands into mine, and that day will be the first day of the rest of my life... Our lives.

Today, I fell in love with the most beautiful woman in the world.

All over again.

Oh oh oh so scandalous...

I got the missus a lil worked up today.

You see, her phone had just gotten a bit shy and had abruptly decided to to hide its face from the world. And because of her phone's diva-ish attitude and the resulting non-functioning screen, Ms K faced the very real possibility of a lifetime of hearing her ring tones and alarms and not having any idea who was calling or even what the reminder was for.

Enter the ever-helpful and caring boyfriend. (coincidentally, her musical dialling tone is playing on my itunes as i type this out. So many coincidences with me and her... But that is a different entry.)

Anyway, no, he did not get her a new phone.. This will come on the next pay day or with the arrival of a credit card, whichever comes first. So in the interim, he lent her his trusty old phone.

Only problem is.. trusty wasn't really trustworthy this time around. Oh, how loyalties sway in the presence of a beautiful woman.

She started the conversation innocently enough though.

"Baby, can you go to the main menu while talking on the phone?"

"No, why? do you want to read a msg at the same time?"

"Yah.. "

Thinking that she wanted to read one of those pesky msgs from one of her pesky ex-boyfriends to me, i explained to her how she should go about doing it.

Then in the sweetest tone a girl could ever pull off, (and boy is she extremely capable of sounding like a lil angel when she wants to. This is exactly why i'm gonna get her a brand new phone. Careful boys, they lure you in before they sucker-punch you) she asked,

"Who msgd you luv ya?"

And i did what any guy in my shoes would do. I laughed.

Of course, when i say any guy in my shoes, I mean any innocent guy who wouldn't cheat on their girl. Not some guy who has a lil black book of scandals in his left hand while holding his girlfriend's hand in his left.

The culprit? ... a Pri 5 ex-Mendaki student who was asking how i was doing. A really sweet little girl who meant no harm at all, just missing her good ol teacher. Yes, I was that lovable. Still is in fact, ask any of my students.

Hahaha. credit to the missus, she didn't throw any accusations my way or bitch slapped me six ways from Sunday.

On a separate note altogether, I DID tell her about this whole episode 2 weeks back. But of course she must have been talking about Wentworth Miller, shopping, phones, bags, her new earrings or some other random occurrences or gay actors. So it must have slipped her mind.

Perfectly understandable, of course. It must be tough being a woman. I only worry about the Red Devils and my team's performance every Sunday morning.

United for the treble!

More than a thousand words

Dream a lil dream of yachts..

Nice pics are hard to come by with this two


7 years later

These pics were taken at Raf's wedding at the Raffles Marina Yacht Club over at Tuas, 3rd March. Very sweet wedding, almost like how i pictured mine to be. Minus the yachts of course. But the soundtrack, great weather, live band, that was good. Decor was a bit confusing with Raffles Marina still suffering from a Chinese New Year hangover, with lanterns hanging all over the shop. Anyway, congratulations to Mr and Mrs Dhillon.

Work has been great the last few weeks. Getting back to the study grind did prove to be a tad challenging but all for a good cause yah (ie salary). Had dinner last friday with my fellow batchmates and caught 300 after that. Disappointing for me. 300 i mean. The SFX were superb as expected but the script was weak. Cliched battle rallies, lame NFL-like battle cries (Ooh! ooh!). But I think my expectations were sky-high, having checked up on the movie for the last 6 mths so it's kinda biased.. The only thing worst than the movie was the steak at HBC.

Omg my writing is so fucking disjointed.. Ah crap, I'll just let the pictures do the talking then.

The more happening side of the table. Lorraine was sleeping on the other side!

With great company, the steak tasted that much better

Don't blink

many things can happen in the blink of an eye.

you could be a goal up.

you could have just let one in.

you could have scored a hat trick despite shooting blanks the whole game.

4-1.



.... Here's welcoming me back to the blogging world.

I spy with my little eye

Just to see if you've been under a rock all this time.. which one's Lana Lang?
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If you've answered the one in the centre, the sweet chinese dutch chick in blue.. you're abso-fuckin-lutely right!

BUT.

yes, there is a but... Of course la, there is a point in all this beating around and one dot lines...
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In Superman III, this was the original Lana Lang.



Yup. Spotted this when i caught a re-run on cable the other day. If u think she looks familiar and STILL haven't figured out where you saw her, take a look at the first pic again and look to the extreme left. Annette O'toole played Lana in SIII and now plays Martha Kent in Smallville. Hmmm.

Does this count as a weird kind of incest?