Have u ever suddenly missed someone? Out of the blue and straight to the heart? I just had a sudden bout of 'missingness'. It was abt my JC crush, who actually told me she liked me and i told her to take it back. There were a few reasons i told my close friends why i did sth so stupid as tat (some v v valid).. But to show that this crush is dead and buried, i should say the main reason why i told her to take back the words "Zaky, I like U" and along with it, the myriad of many many possible happyendings... I was scared. Terrified. She was like the top 3 babes in school. And i was... Me. Plain ol' same ol' me. I was intimidated by her status. I know she never told anyone else cos after her, i got close to one of her closest friends who said she never mentioned me.. She was obviously v embarassed and pissed and i guess she will deny everything if u'd ask her.

She had just been rejected by a mere mortal.

Below, is a poem i wrote for her. In fact it is all about her. Everytime i read it, i'd remember all e corresponding incidences and experiences. It may not be tat great in terms of literary skill but it came straight from where it hurt the most. It might remind u of sth from a movie. This poem came on the day that i couldn't take it anymore. She had just hit me on the back of the head during lecture and when i turned around, there was the reddest girl in the lecture theatre. She did it for no reason. No reason at all. Just did it for the fun of it. And the cheeky smiled plastered upon that lovely face.. the mental image still stays in my mind's eye...

The way i luv u.

I luv e way i first met u, u din even turn my head
I luv e way u looked at me, without anything being said
I luv e way i'd miss u when ure not ard
I luv e way u'd hug me when i'm feelin down
I luv e way ur smile wld last in my mind's eye
I luv e way ur face turns red, and u'd look so shy
I luv e way we used to talk, endless nights of conversation
I luv e way ur eyes call out, beggin for attention
I luv e way i'd think of u, every nite, before i sleep
I luv e way u make me want u, sth to keep
I luv e way u made me write this poem, juz for u
Even though, i know, that in the end,
I'd be the fool.

- 26th July 2000-