What is I?

When memories start to burn

2007-06-13T03:14:00.000+08:00

I just don't know how to start.

Days of contemplation and tear-inducing flashbacks and suddenly it's so difficult to come up with the words which would run parallel to my exact thoughts and emotions. So I guess it's best not to get emotional.

I guess there's no more fighting left to do now. We gave it our all for the better part of our 2 year relationship. But it was a matter of pushing a rock that never did seem to budge.

Two people who truly care for each other and want to spend the rest of their lives irritating the other should never be forced to part. Not by Parents or Friends or Anyone Else. The decision to remain together should be the sole right of those in the relationship itself. But of course Life always has other ideas.

I was supposed to escape from Work by having a Life and now I'm supposed to use Work to escape from Life itself. I hope that's not some sort of sick and perverse way of having a work-life balance.

I wanted to keep this post as Un-EMO as possible and I hope I've done that. The length and tone of this post in no way does justice to the beauty of what we had together, which will remain engraved in my heart for as long as it functions (both physically and emotionally).

Please forget me and move on. I will try to do the same. We have to do this no matter how much we lose our focus in life and no matter how many tears our pillows soak. To whoever came up with the line, It's better to have loved and lost than not to have loved at all, I hope you have a long stick forced up your arse.

It's always best to love and to be able to keep them. It's just too bad I love you so much that I fully understand and accept why this must be done.

Just remember that if she ever brings up the topic of me, i hope by that time you finally learn to stand up for yourself (and me). Tell her that he can get her all the crystal in the world but I gave her something he will never be able to.

I gave her her daughter back.

I know.. but it's so hard.

2007-06-03T04:46:00.000+08:00

It wasn't too long before Nyai came into view. One of my cousins walked off and there I was, face to face with her. Without any hesitation, i hugged her and planted solemn but welcoming kisses on both her cheeks. The moment was brief but nonetheless it was comforting. I remember being overwhelmed by grief the last time i saw my mother's mother.

Yayi was sitting on a couch behind her. I knelt in front of him and held his hands in mine as if I were begging for his forgiveness on Hari Raya. Yet many moons have passed since this last happened. I looked upon his face. A tinge of sorrow outlined the joy i felt.

My lips parted and the words spilled onto his lap.

Thank you Yayi. For bringing us here, to Singapore. From where it is you were.. For all your struggles..

He looked upon my face and did not say a word. Yet somehow I knew what else he wanted me to say. He wanted something from me.

Kenapa kau datang, tangan kau kosong? (Why have you come empty-handed?)

I'm sorry Yayi, I didn't know you were coming. I had no time to go to the ATM to get some money.

What was i saying? I didn't mean to say those words yet they were said because i meant them. Every single word. Mr well-paid came empty handed to meet his grandfather. Nothing in his empty hands. Nothing.

All I wanted was for him to be proud of where i was now. My career. My job. My pay.

I have never seen my grandfather look so disappointed before. Not once when he was alive.

I lay in bed staring at the ceiling.

He never wanted my money. He was always a simple man. A man who only cared for his family. He just wanted me to realise my faith, to pray for him and for every one else I hold so dear, not to be enslaved by material gains..

And somehow, with that dull aching in my heart, I'm still finding it hard to change. Hard to let go of my middle-class yearnings for more.. hard to kickstart my religion again..

Why is it so fucking goddamn hard?

Who needs Valentine's?

2007-04-29T03:05:00.000+08:00

Today, she looked resplendent in her gown, all smiles and glitter. She stood tall with her heels, way beyond the height limit that seems to be the unspoken norm between us.

Today, she may have sat on the dais with another man, another model. But someday that man will be me. Once all this is over, i will be able to take her hands into mine, and that day will be the first day of the rest of my life... Our lives.

Today, I fell in love with the most beautiful woman in the world.

All over again.

Oh oh oh so scandalous...

2007-03-27T02:16:00.000+08:00

I got the missus a lil worked up today.

You see, her phone had just gotten a bit shy and had abruptly decided to to hide its face from the world. And because of her phone's diva-ish attitude and the resulting non-functioning screen, Ms K faced the very real possibility of a lifetime of hearing her ring tones and alarms and not having any idea who was calling or even what the reminder was for.

Enter the ever-helpful and caring boyfriend. (coincidentally, her musical dialling tone is playing on my itunes as i type this out. So many coincidences with me and her... But that is a different entry.)

Anyway, no, he did not get her a new phone.. This will come on the next pay day or with the arrival of a credit card, whichever comes first. So in the interim, he lent her his trusty old phone.

Only problem is.. trusty wasn't really trustworthy this time around. Oh, how loyalties sway in the presence of a beautiful woman.

She started the conversation innocently enough though.

"Baby, can you go to the main menu while talking on the phone?"

"No, why? do you want to read a msg at the same time?"

"Yah.. "

Thinking that she wanted to read one of those pesky msgs from one of her pesky ex-boyfriends to me, i explained to her how she should go about doing it.

Then in the sweetest tone a girl could ever pull off, (and boy is she extremely capable of sounding like a lil angel when she wants to. This is exactly why i'm gonna get her a brand new phone. Careful boys, they lure you in before they sucker-punch you) she asked,

"Who msgd you luv ya?"

And i did what any guy in my shoes would do. I laughed.

Of course, when i say any guy in my shoes, I mean any innocent guy who wouldn't cheat on their girl. Not some guy who has a lil black book of scandals in his left hand while holding his girlfriend's hand in his left.

The culprit? ... a Pri 5 ex-Mendaki student who was asking how i was doing. A really sweet little girl who meant no harm at all, just missing her good ol teacher. Yes, I was that lovable. Still is in fact, ask any of my students.

Hahaha. credit to the missus, she didn't throw any accusations my way or bitch slapped me six ways from Sunday.

On a separate note altogether, I DID tell her about this whole episode 2 weeks back. But of course she must have been talking about Wentworth Miller, shopping, phones, bags, her new earrings or some other random occurrences or gay actors. So it must have slipped her mind.

Perfectly understandable, of course. It must be tough being a woman. I only worry about the Red Devils and my team's performance every Sunday morning.

United for the treble!

More than a thousand words

2007-03-13T12:27:00.000+08:00

Dream a lil dream of yachts..

Nice pics are hard to come by with this two

7 years later

These pics were taken at Raf's wedding at the Raffles Marina Yacht Club over at Tuas, 3rd March. Very sweet wedding, almost like how i pictured mine to be. Minus the yachts of course. But the soundtrack, great weather, live band, that was good. Decor was a bit confusing with Raffles Marina still suffering from a Chinese New Year hangover, with lanterns hanging all over the shop. Anyway, congratulations to Mr and Mrs Dhillon.

Work has been great the last few weeks. Getting back to the study grind did prove to be a tad challenging but all for a good cause yah (ie salary). Had dinner last friday with my fellow batchmates and caught 300 after that. Disappointing for me. 300 i mean. The SFX were superb as expected but the script was weak. Cliched battle rallies, lame NFL-like battle cries (Ooh! ooh!). But I think my expectations were sky-high, having checked up on the movie for the last 6 mths so it's kinda biased.. The only thing worst than the movie was the steak at HBC.

Omg my writing is so fucking disjointed.. Ah crap, I'll just let the pictures do the talking then.

The more happening side of the table. Lorraine was sleeping on the other side!

With great company, the steak tasted that much better

Don't blink

2007-02-25T21:44:00.000+08:00

many things can happen in the blink of an eye.

you could be a goal up.

you could have just let one in.

you could have scored a hat trick despite shooting blanks the whole game.

4-1.

.... Here's welcoming me back to the blogging world.

I spy with my little eye

2006-09-18T22:14:00.000+08:00

Just to see if you've been under a rock all this time.. which one's Lana Lang?
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If you've answered the one in the centre, the sweet chinese dutch chick in blue.. you're abso-fuckin-lutely right!

BUT.

yes, there is a but... Of course la, there is a point in all this beating around and one dot lines...
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In Superman III, this was the original Lana Lang.

Yup. Spotted this when i caught a re-run on cable the other day. If u think she looks familiar and STILL haven't figured out where you saw her, take a look at the first pic again and look to the extreme left. Annette O'toole played Lana in SIII and now plays Martha Kent in Smallville. Hmmm.

Does this count as a weird kind of incest?

The end of the beginning.

2006-09-09T13:34:00.000+08:00

Here are the long -awaited photos for my graduation! one week late!

Anyways.. if you have photos with me in 'em, pass me pls.. i'll do the same for you. Jut ask nicely on MSN. :)

Family first.. the people who really matter.

Graduates of the Pink Nips Academy.

Kunies where are you??

See, it's not that hard to take nice pics with these 2 clowns.

This is the official ad shot for SIM. Right.

The nice group photo (With the plastic bags).

The classic grad shot.. what the hell is Ron doing?

Quitter finally speaks after 7 years of sucking it in.

2006-08-20T11:16:00.000+08:00

This year as an early 24th birthday present, i have decided to give myself a....

...clean set of lungs.

Although technically it's probably already coated with tar and other nasty shite after 7 years of mimicking a chimney but hey, my lungs are definitely better off than Amin's. FYI, My cuz has been smoking for half his life.

Anyway, i've quit for like 2 weeks so it's another 14 years and 50 weeks before the risk of death returns to nearly the same level as someone who has never smoked! Don't know what I'm talking about? Here's a breakdown of the benefits of quitting smoking:

At 20 minutes after quitting:
blood pressure decreases
pulse rate drops
body temperature of hands and feet increases

At 8 hours:
carbon monoxide level in blood drops to normal
oxygen level in blood increases to normal

At 24 hours:
chance of a heart attack decreases

At 48 hours:
nerve endings start regrowing
ability to smell and taste is enhanced

The first year after quitting:

At 2 weeks to 3 months:
circulation improves
walking becomes easier
lung function increases

1 to 9 months:
coughing, sinus congestion, fatigue, shortness of breath decreases

1 year:
excess risk of coronary heart disease is decreased to half that of a smoker

Long-term Benefits of Quitting

At 5 years:
from 5 to 15 years after quitting, stroke risk is reduced to that of people who have never smoked.

At 10 years:
risk of lung cancer drops to as little as one-half that of continuing smokers
risk of cancer of the mouth, throat, esophagus, bladder, kidney, and pancreas decreases
risk of ulcer decreases

At 15 years:
risk of coronary heart disease is now similar to that of people who have never smoked
risk of death returns to nearly the level of people who have never smoked

Damn. And before all my ex cigaretto aficionado brothers start calling me a sell-out whore/wimp/pussy, especially Barak and gopz, lemme just remind u that even if am one, i'll be one healthy sell-out whore/wimp/pussy. Haha.

How did i do it? i have no fuckin idea. It's just like the time i learnt to cycle, back when i was 7. It just happened. I would sincerely love to give my smoking brothers( ex brothers from here on) some quit advice but.. really i have nothing to say. Hope the benefits of smoking are good enough for you to quit. if not then.. it's so long suckers! (suckers.. geddit?)

Aren't smokers just so cool?

Just.

2006-08-10T11:42:00.000+08:00

It's gettin a bit lonely here at the editorial floor of Charlton media. The recent exodus of writers plus Joe fallin sick today means that i'm the only one left. Robbie Williams is keeping me company at this point of time but that's sure to change with each passing song. Oh well, better get on with my work, just felt like spending 5 mins typing sth out here in the office. Mark's here. Finally a live human being.

Anyway, Liy left last Friday. No tears, no sweat, no blood. Well, no blood probably cos of her farewell msg. Not the manner in which she said it, rather the medium she used to convey her msg..

Geddit?

4 all

2006-07-23T21:15:00.000+08:00

After having really bad games for the last 2 sundays, it was a great relief to get my scoring boots back on today. Yet scoring all the goals doesn't mean anything when the opponent comes back to register a draw. The referee may have had a crap game in charge but it does little for that bitter taste in the mouth.

Despite getting those goals , the draw meant that i should have converted the other 2 or 3 chances that came my way. Of course, i missed an absolute sitter but in my defence, the referee had blown for offside and i got distrated. Really! That was a major talking point afterwards as I could not have been in an offside position as i came late into the box to control sanjeev's CUTBACK. I use "cutback" not only because its a common term in soccer BUT because it means that the low cross was passed behind the person who played the pass, thus none of his team mates could have been offside. Everyone was behind the original player with the ball! Makes sense? And yah i was distracted.

The ref's no-nonsense, "blow whistle first, come up with excuse later" policy hardly made things any easier for us, or any sense for that matter. Sayed (our big Central defender) was pushed by their player and the ref gave them a free kick, as Sayed had "handled" the ball. Truly WTF was the phrase of the match and i bet everytime the ref blew, at least one player had that on his mind. And i bet sometimes everyone on the pitch had no clue what was going on, including the man in the middle himself. All that being said, I would like to state for the recored that i'm NOT a sour grape or a sore loser (or drawer).

I also felt that there were times when the opponent's passing sliced our defence too easily. Not many, but this can definitely be overcome by more playing time together.

The best part came right at the end when the opponent's defender spoke to me. He said that I should take a drug test after the match. Wah, just because i'm the only Malay guy in my team, you think i take drugs issit.. He explained that since i was a bit too pacy for their backline, i might have taken steroids. Right. Against their static defence, even a dead squirrel would have seemed faster. Still.. it made me think about the drug innuendo and my heritage and 2 seconds after i walked away from him, the Scene from KILL BILL Vol 1 flashed through my mind. You know the one where Boss Tanaka questioned O-ren Ishii's heritage and promptly had his head cut off.. That was shit-ass violent but i thought the quote is shit-ass good so here it is..:

"The price you pay for bringing up either my Chinese or my American heritage as a negative is i collect your fuckin head. Just like this fucker here, now.. if any of you sonsabitches got anything else to say, now's the fuckin time...

.. I didn't think so."

God i love that movie.

Argh. it's the end of the weekend. So fast... Anyway Have fun everyone, have a good week, only 5 days more to the next weekend!

The Office.

2006-07-20T15:07:00.000+08:00

Contrary to the previous post, i love my office. Ok maybe not the concrete and hardwood flooring and all but the people in it. No one stops talking and there's no such thing as a private conversation, when you speak you're actually announcing it to the whole office. Thinking back to the first day here's a list of v v interesting topics we've discussed at length. And no, I'm not talking about Monday morning meetings.

1. The colour of everyone's nipples.
2. Liy's love life. (Preferably old and wrinkled)
3. Haj's like life. (Non stop siak!)
4. Jules' sex life. (Nonexistent)
5. What Pinoys would do with 5 bucks. (Pai Dolarr Pour Pish maaam)
6. Hairy arm pits.
7. Smelly hairy armpits.
8. MA's arm pits. (I dunno much abt this though)
9. Jules' golden discharge and how everything it touches would turn into gold.
10. Politically incorrect racial stereotyping.
11. Liy snogging her girlfriend at a bar.
12. Jules snogging random Indian guys at balcony bar. (Virgin kiss some more!)

See. With topics like this, how can it ever be boring? Of course we do work la, all these topics just happen between strikes of inspiration (and work).

And I dun even know some of the people in this pic!

How the mad cow disease came about.

greetings from planet me.

2006-07-19T22:06:00.000+08:00

Hello earthlings and fans,

I have been rather busy lately, what with grappling with the immense pain of seeing Argentina (my favourite earthling sport team) crash out of the global competition you call the world cup as well as my sudden incursion into the world of W.O.R.K. And no, I have not been wanking my goldfish (or whatever it is you earthlings do for pleasure). I have been studying a certain group of specimens within my W.O.R.K place and have come back with rather unsettling results. Alas, the fact that my blog is accessible to these specimens means that I cannot publish all my findings, perhaps because these findings might have a tinge of negativity. haha.

I'm tired and sleepy and just wanna fill this space. cos some ppl complain that i havent blog for 39 days blah blah blah. Phooey.
I need sleep.

If someone took your dog, would you throw rocks and kill their children?

Oh yah Happy 23rd Birthday Sarah, dearest cuz!

Metamorphosis

2006-06-09T17:09:00.000+08:00

Like a snake that changes skin, so too has my blog.

I loved the old skin but found this one too cool and cute to resist.

I've always wanted something plain and simple; yet lovable.

Sometimes, I do feel like the robot dancing on the clouds, carefree and indifferent. Not giving a rat's ass to societal perceptions. Other times, i feel the need to fit in so much, i can't stand out. Therein lies the source of all my conflicts.. Therein lies the dilemma. Must find.. balance.

Hmmm.. Like it?

....Oh and one downside is, it can't be viewed properly using Mozilla Firefox. :(

Officially Too Cool for School.

2006-06-06T18:55:00.000+08:00

*Fanfare*

It's official! I'm too cool for school!! Haha.. No turning back already, the results are out and I've made it.. I've just been given a title, recognised worldwide, something to show for 3 years of toil (and 12 years to prepare for), something that puts me on the same platform as unmarried men everywhere. I'm a BACHELOR!!

*music screeches to a pause*

Ok. Lame.

*Crickets in the background*

But...

who the hell cares??? I've got my marks, i've met my personal target and I've got Gypsy Kings blasting behind me.. I've never felt so relieved in my life, so elated, it's totally totally undescribable.. Your expectations for things will never prepare you for the actual event, i think.. and this is exactly how i feel, i've always thought i had it in the bag, that it's a foregone conclusion but now that it's finally here.. i'm over the moon.. i feel like running around my estate dressed in nothing but my notes, but i don't think people would be at all interested in my notes.

RMIT students and staff filling in at the 2005 UOL photoshoot. No more pretending come 1st Sept 2006!

The Best post

2006-05-31T10:39:00.000+08:00

You're definitely one of a kind. Naturally athletic, your talent means you'll always stand out from the crowd. You can sometimes come across as slightly arrogant, but your confidence is justified by your ability. If there's a hard way and an easy way to do something, you'll always choose the most entertaining.

A colourful character, you love being centre of attention and your charm and good looks mean this is often the case. Like most talented people, you can be eccentric, and sometimes let your heart rule your head. But then that's what makes you extra special. A natural show off, you're more likely to infuriate a boss than ever end up being one. But you'll always be a footballer first, and a first among footballers. You're a hero a genius, a legend.

Try it here..

Just feeling bored and I came across the Man U newsletter in my yahoo mail.. Everytime i have inspiration to write it'd be like 4 am in the morning when my parents are sound asleep and the Family PC is out of bounds. When I can use the PC again i'd have lost my train of thought and then i'd have absolutely no mood to blog. So sometimes i'll end up posting stuff (like wat u see above) hoping to make my blog colourful and interesting. A pathetic attempt to say the least.

Anyway, I fell asleep on a friend in mid conversation the other night.. It's weird how my brain can register the topic and formulate questions of my own to give the impression i'm listening. I was vaguely aware of my own participation in the conversation and like a ripple in the water, as soon as the thought passed through my head and the appropriate verbal response pased through my lips, I would have absolutely no idea or recollection of what i'd just said. I think i was drifting in and out of consciousness for the last half hour until i was finally woken up by silence(the irony of it all). She had stopped her banter and I jolted back into the conversation, finally admitting that i'd fallen asleep a couple of times. It was a good thing she was nice enough not to bite my head off, considering the seriousness of the conversation.

I don't know why but i've been really tired recently.. Flat out every time i've had my sleep.. Wonder if it's due to the lack of exercise.. Or due to the creepy dream i had last night, about a lady of the night (not a hooker).. I can't remember what she looked like, only that she was extremely attractive. Brunette. Fair. Slim. Slender. Limber. I surrendered myself to Her deep embrace and I felt the Life draining out of me. She was sucking me dry and not in a good way. I woke up so tired, it felt like i just came back from a long exercise/route march/fire.. which i Hadn't, i only accompanied my baby to get her dresser yesterday.. Maybe i'll go for a jog later. Or maybe i'll go see a Bomoh. Or a shrink for that matter.

Aiyah. i need a job la.. that's what i need. And why is the world cup taking so long to start??!!

Rantings of the Frictionally Unemployed

2006-05-16T10:29:00.000+08:00

I woke up this morning to a call from Shang Ri La Rasa Sentosa's HR department. After an initial, rushed "hello", there rained down a series of questions on my availability for an interview today (all of which ended with "not free" due to the DPP interview and other well-in-place plans) When I could finally put a foot in the conversation door, i enquired about the job scope. I just had a nagging suspicion that it wasn't what i was looking for and Elaine wasn't sure either when she recommended the job to me. The "Finance department" description tended to be a little... vague, but of course it had to turn out to be purely accounts not M&A, business analysis or even Management trainee.

So.. i swatted it away (politely of course) and spent the last half hour wading in the implications of my action.

It was obvious that they were desperate, perhaps due to the end of their workyear (15 months perhaps, it's already May; or maybe its a July-June FY) and the load's piled up so much so that you couldn't pass through the accounts department without needing a map, compass and scissors to get to the other side of the paper jungle. *shudder* Nevertheless, I could have taken advantage of this and inflated my wages a bit at the interview but i settled for personal task satisfaction ahead of short term monetary gain. Ain't no way i'm gonna be happy doing accounts man. But should i just have taken it for the sake of experience in an accounting background? oh well, i guess i'll wait for replies from those jobs i really want, if things get really bad and if too much time has passed, i guess i will include accounts as a possible job. Although a bit hesitantly, i must add.

In the meantime, I'm reading Arundhati Roy's The God of Small things.. I feel like a pea in a whirlpool, lost in her vivid and at times, suffocating descriptions of family life in Kerala, India. Make no bones about it, it's a great read, i just get a bit sucked in sometimes. My imagination lapping up the adjectives and adverbs and spewing my own twisted version of her narrative in my mind's eye. The result.. Kerala looks like my Kampung. My, my.. How the subconscious shapes perception.

Well... on to more important things...

24 days to WORLD CUP!

The Weekend edition.

2006-04-10T21:30:00.000+08:00

Weekends have always been the busiest time of the week for me, what with Mendaki, tuition, soccer (btoh playing and watching) and religious class.. So it is only fitting that i have most to say after one has just passed.

In Mendaki, I realised that having the best academic class doesn't actually mean having the easiest of tasks.. We had tutor evaluation last week, something to just gauge the performance of the tutors, a feeble attempt to identify bad tutors.. I mean these are primary school kids for god's sake, you only have to put a bowl of hershey's in front of them for u to have sweet reviews (pun intended).. Anyway, the comments range from saying the class was too big (we already cut down from 20 to 12) to one which begged for no homework for 2 months.. My personal evaluation was quite ok but i realised that some of these kids had motivational problems.. Some of them have external tuition, school revision classes on top of Mendaki.. I'm also appalled that a few mentioned they didn't learn anything from my English classes.. while the rest said they found it beneficial.. I guess it's a matter of learning to accomodate their different English standards.. keeping in mind that they were banded according to Maths results not English. Overall, teaching these kids is a good experience for me.. I feel a sense of satisfaction when i get through to them, u know.. But NO, i don't think i wanna teach full time thank you v much.. just a bit on the side, really hope that i can continue even after i've started working, it helps to de-stress a bit.. I was quite surprised to know that a few of my students are actually attached! and last Saturday, one of them actually wrote 'kena fuck' in her journal as a way of describing the way someone got scolded.. damn teruk man.. But it's just refreshing to teach those kids. It's been said that u're moulding their minds, like clay.. but sometimes i feel i need to hammer stuff into them, like metal u noe; malleable, but u just have to use force at times.

Sunday soccer's getting interesting too. FOS (Friends of sean/Full Of Shit) has a full record of 4 wins out of 4. The last one was a tough one, played against this abang-abang team. Managed to escape with 2 goals, a bruise on the back of my head and a long stud cut across my right shin. not that they were particularly rough or malicious in their tackling only a bit overzealous at times.. and after beating their offside traps a couple of times in the first half, they offered me 20 bucks to not score in the second.. Somehow i managed to negotiate that to: 30 bucks plus ice kachang plus Beriyani... Haha. Right. I think after i scored again, they channeled their underhanded means to the ref cos he started making nonsense calls.. Pulling me for offside more times than Barak loses his memory. They also channeled their efforts to other means like tripping me when i got through, which, coupled with the bribed ref meant that they got away with it. sigh. All in all our defence played solidly, making numerous blocks and containing their attack effectively.. Daryl played superbly too, i realise how much technique i lack when i see him and Alvin play. Scintillating i tell u. I guess i'm just an out-an-out striker and i desperately need to work on my passing and ball control. Final score 3-2..i wasted 2 chances which i should have put away. I tell you, i don't think i ever will be satisfied with my own performance. Which is normal for a perfectionist over-competitive freak like me i guess... I'm glad to say i'm really beginning to enjoy my Sunday Mornings more also cos of the post match team kopi session. We analyse the match, discuss how we can improve ourselves and even magnify some of our comical errors.. Especially Singh and Steven.. Even stevens la i think.. haha. That's the guy who tackled Barak superbly.. Too bad they were on the same team. hyuk hyuk. Other than soccer we also talk about stuff like jobs, income taxes, investment, progress package, elections.. more serious stuff la.. which is good cos i don't usually talk about this stuff to anyone really. maybe cos they're all older than me and some of them are working.. Hope this team will stick together even when everyone has more commitments.

One performance i was thoroughly satisfied with over the weekend was Man U's against Arsenal. It was an exciting match, i'm sure most of u already know that.. And the defence(not to mention Wayne Rooney) was absolutely rock-solid . Let's push Chelski all the way lads!

Specially for you.. Every sunset has a sunrise baby, the longer the darkness the more fulfilling the dawn..

g3 play catch up!

2006-03-22T10:33:00.000+08:00

g3 photoshopped.

It's been coming for a while now, and i'm glad it did. I'm talking about the meeting up of course. So we came together and we had a good time. haha.. i can't go on. let me re type all that minus all the sexual connotations.
..
..
..
..
yeah.

I guess there is a certain fulfillment in catching up with old friends. when u fill each other in on your lives you feel like you're pulling them back to be a part of everything they've missed out on.. when u tell them of certain dilemmas ure facing, u actually give them a chance to share their experiences and remind them that they're still important and that their opinions do matter to you. It's just that you tend to get caught up with whatever's in your face at any point in time and u tend to forget about whatever's in your heart.. damn, that sounds lame but fact of the matter is, i think it does hold some truth.. You just focus on the urgent stuff but you miss out on important ones...like old friends, family.. you know..

oh well, it was great meeting up with the missing 2/3s of the gruesome 3some. was forced to take so many pics with those camera whores.. it's so hard when u're so camera-shy, you know.. hahaha.

School's ending soon and it's gonna be crunch time.. urgh i swear the only drawback about adulthood is the decisions part.. where to work? when to marry? what MBA to do? What hp to buy? what cable channels to subscribe to? how many kids to have? what to tell ur boss when u want a pay raise? u study in school for almost 15 years of your life and by the time u graduate, u have to relearn every single thing u've learnt, not to mention unlearn some stuff.. and u also come to the bitter realisation that all that mugging for A maths, things like dy/dx don't really help when it comes to pleasing your in-laws. unless you count differentiating your parents and your in laws; and integrating both into your lives as an application of A maths i don't see how it helps. ok maybe it does help a bit if u do mathematics/stats at JC/uni level. But i digress. So, when u become an adult, when u heave that mountain of responsibilities onto ur shoulders, that's when u get enrolled into the school of life.. and all the paper qualifications in the world are just that.. paper. Sometimes i just wish that society would be less materialistic, to be thankful for what they have and to stop idolising the wrong values. there's just too many sheep around that sometimes, u have no choice but get pushed in their direction.. So we have to be strong and hold onto each other, keep each other grounded i guess..

Good luck to everyone graduating, all the best in your job search.. Anyway, if there's anyone with any lobangs in the banking industry, i'd love a helping hand. :)

<HELP>

Of crossroads and rollercoasters

2006-02-24T21:31:00.000+08:00

It's been a while since I blogged and plenty shite hath happened in the last few weeks, personally, nationally as well as globally. I could be a bore and cut and paste summaries of Reuters headlines but i guess we all do that for our projects anyways. So for anything bigger than my issues, go read the papers. In the words of Ally McBeal, my problems are more important than the world's problems cos.. they're mine.

SOMEBODY PLEASE TELL ME IF I'VE JUST QUOTED ALLY MCBEAL. I HAVE HAVEN'T I? WHAT'S THE WORLD COMING TO? AND WHERE THE HELL'S MY MASCARA AND PURPLE KNICKERS?

errr. I swear I didn't type that.

Anyway, school feels like a shadow these days, you know that its there, you can see it there but hell you just can't be bothered to do anything about it (except projects and such).. So, i guess i've moved on even before convocation.. looking up companies, talking to friends and acquaintances regarding potential jobs and companies and even sending out a couple of resumes just now. like a rollercoaster, its fun yet scary too knowing that the next few years are crucial to the rest of your life.

Speaking of rollercoasters, watched Final Destination 3 just now. By watching i really do mean senselessly absorbing the carnage and violent deaths while trying to retain the better half of undigested popcorn. It was still gory and the storyline's the same as FD1&2 but the lady has got a fetish for violence so in we went... But truth be told i actually enjoyed it.. it's amazing how they can still come up with ways on how to kill a guy. Sick bastards. Although some of the ways were absolutely ludicrous and far fetched, there were some quite creative ways to err.. die.. like death by tanning. For those who just turned 18 and realise that mommy's cut off ur access to soft porn, u can catch a glimpse of some boobies in a scene where 2 bimbos die. and if ure lucky enough to be a fat softporn addict, watching the boobies turn crispy under the overheated UV lamps would just about curb your appetite for sausages. Or even soft porn, for that matter. You poor sod, you.

well, the RMIT sports day soccer tournament just passed.. my last chance at re emulating sem 4's gold.. alas.. we had to settle for silver.. i guess with a team that's never played together before and yours truly playing for the first time in more than a month, second's not too bad.

I'm gonna stop.

Here.

Did they just watch their own movie?

Bag o' Bones

2006-02-01T11:48:00.000+08:00

Stress has led to a decrease in appetite (which was in short supply initially). Man, I am so fucking thin now I feel like Nicole Richie on a diet. Plus foodpoisoning for the last 2 days have really cut down my gastronomic intake (its pathetic, On monday, I had 4-5 mouthfuls of burnt porridge for the whole day). My arms have become like sticks and my stomach, sunken like a punctured water bag. Why do girls want to lose so much weight anyway? The anorexic look is disgusting *cough cough*. No guy likes a boney girl *cough*, unless its a weird fetish. But that's the minority. you see guys even have fetishes like having dirty old socks on their weeners (nope not me).

well right now, i have to regain my weight plus add a few extra inches. It doesnt help that i have an ultra high metabolism rate, the more i eat, the more i move. plus I smoke so that's half my appetite burnt (pun fully intended). I WOULD LOVE TO QUIT SMOKING, but short of saying it for the quadrillionth time, i am only as close to quitting smoking as my dad admitting a mistake. Ever. I've cut down, sure, to an average of 4-5 sticks a day but average means that for everyday i don't smoke, i can smoke 10 the next. Me and numbers. Bah.

At this rate, i WILL be a bag of bones in no time. Somewhere on Earth, it's got to be illegal to be this thin.

Trying to out do Paris?

Shroud.

2006-01-25T13:26:00.000+08:00

Doth heaving a heavy heart protect from a broken one?
But that which is, would that be the same that would cause me to fall?
Hold her hands, hope for HIM to guide us.
For if HE wills it, it will happen.
I hope these times to be a test.
One that which will be overcome,
and which will strengthen the bonds already strong.

Today..

2006-01-05T13:38:00.000+08:00

I feel evil. I stole some script from a 13 yr old girl's blog to enable the fade in/out effect that u see now.. haha. What next? Steal a turban from a bhaee??

ok i'm joking.
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.
.
.
.
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Do you know how bloody difficult it is to find a Bhaee with a turban these days?

Argh i'm bored. School has started and last evening's International Monetary Economics has already destroyed like 3000 brain cells. No worries i have another 700 to spare.. I have night class again tonight and i hate the fact we can't smoke in school anymore. Although can't doesn't neccessarily translate to won't. :) Speaking of night class.. I really respect those part timers, juggling work and study, when do they ever find a time to play? If they do find a time to play, do they ever sleep? amazing, some of them look like they have kids too.. must learn to manage my time like them.

I saw a gruesome sight in the train on the first day of this year (no... it wasn't sha and ida).. It was about 10 at night and my cuzs and I were on our way back from Karaoke-ing at Apollo Centre. It was a crowded train and we were jostling for our own space, not long after we stepped in and settled for a space, a lady (ard 20+) let her child PEE in the train! she LIFTED UP THE KID'S PAMPERS AND LITERALLY LET HER DRIP!! She then proceeded to STEP ON the urine to prevent it from moving around the train.. Well, she couldn't prevent the spread of the pee any more than she could the disgust of the passengers around her. After a few stations, when the floor ard her seat was well and truly wet, she switched to the opposite row of seats and PRETENDED AS IF NOTHING HAD HAPPENED! the cheek of it all! Why must she lift up the kid's pampers? doesnt that make it FUCKING REDUNDANT? She didn't look local, but i cant think of any country that labels TRAINS as DRAINS... and she insulted the intelligence of everyone by tryin to conceal the urine under her foot.. for goodness sake! everyone saw it. does she think we all have short term memory and no common sense, such that we would start wondering what that pungent smelling yellow liquid beneath a little girl is seconds after we saw her pee? Seriously i don't know whats worst... this or the other time in the MRT.. I saw a 40+ auntie let her THREE kids pee in a drink plastic bag (the kind u get at hawker centres), tying it up and then leaving it on her seat when she left.. WTF.. what is the world coming to...? I guess we should make it obvious. Have No Peeing Signs in trains, on top of the no eating, drinking or flammable items.. Seriously, wtf is wrong with these people? We should have a damn reality show where we put all these aunties together on a fucking island and force them to be polite to each other, make them bear living with each other without arguing. Shoot those who can't comply. I can safely bet that by the end of one week, u'd have a lot of perm-haired, long nailed, ugly-looking corpses. Not to mention the whole island's turned into a public toilet.

And you wonder why my msn nick's neurotica.

First for 2006.

2006-01-03T17:32:00.000+08:00

This is the first post of 2006, right after the first lecture of 2006. Somehow something feels different abt school, perhaps it's the bitter realisation that this is the last 6 mths of school life, maybe it's the fact that we don't have any seniors to ask advice from anymore.. we are the most senior around. Suddenly I feel old.

The last few days or so, I received SMSes from friends wishing me a happy 2006 and "let's leave all the shite from 2005 behind us". stuff like dat u know.. Well, that didn't really strike a chord with me cos i didnt really have that much shite from 2005. I liked 2005, in fact. 2006 has already started off on the wrong foot, with arguments at home reaching a bitter climax; key words being debt, death and disown. I don't need this much drama in my life, really (and pls don't ask me about this..).

It's gonna be a tough year, i can feel it already. Challenging.. It's make or break cos I'm at the crossroads of my life.. And for once, i'd like to go the right way.. Too many wrong turns already.. Too many times i have looked back and regret.. My life and lifestyle needs an overhaul badly, but where do i start? Everything looks outdated or in a mess...

I'd better get this done soon, or i'm gonna sink into depression.

Shit.

Post Oz, Pre - 2006

2005-12-28T14:47:00.000+08:00

Ok it's been 2 weeks to the day since i came back from OZ so i guess it's about time i blogged.. Actually I've been rather busy entertaining guests cos my family went to Bangkok, returning later today.. The last few days Hooray Hooray la some might say.

anyway, I've managed to contribute to my FIRST article at FunkyGrad.com.. so i guess that adds to my list of firsts for 2005.. :) Yay.. my next article is about sex/drug stories on campus so if u have any, please please msn or email moi, lashana23@hotmail.com.

it has been a good year i must admit, though not without it's fair share of downs and shite. Sitting here and ignoring the housework I shall try and conjure a list of things that made 2005 truly memorable (positive or negatively)...

10. Winning the School Sports Day soccer tournament with the Pink Nips.
9. Being elected President of the RMIT Student Council.
8. Qualifying for Degree of Distinction with 2 sems to go.
7. Contributing to a published article.
6. The Australia Trip.
5. Being bastarded for the Australia Trip.
4. Doing well for my specialisation subject, Finance.
3. Screwing up my own personal finances.
2. Miss K.
1. Still having my good friends around and within easy reach. :)

Speaking of the Australia trip here are some more pics..

Yes Ma, Rally the troops.

"U wanna piece of me, bitch?!" - the crazy kickboxing girl i mentioned in my previous post.

The thumbs up is but a pose.

We would have starved, if not for Chef Wong. This thumbs up is for real.

Nando's, Where Chickens go to Heaven. The food's simply divine.

The chicks.. are a different story. Hahaha.

A must have photo - Sydney Harbour Bridge.

The only reason we went to Sydney - The harbour bridge and opera house in the evening.

Me and the men from the land of small nipples.

Those who actually made it.

Cheers and have a mighty fine 2006 guys!

Good on ya mate!

2005-12-06T13:54:00.000+08:00

G'dayyy..

I'm in Brisbane Chinatown now, in a sleazy snooker joint to be exact.. While the guys are satisfying their desires of putting balls into holes i'm of course here surfing and blogging.. This is our last full day here in the land of OZ, tomorrow at this time we'll be on our way back to Singapura.. We were in sydney for abt 2.5 days prior to our arrival in Brisbane (we're actually staying at Surfer's Paradise (SP) along the Gold Coast)..

Brisbane City seems to be quite boring nothing much over here..

...

...

...

Wah seriously i Have nothing to write about Brisbane City.

On the other hand, SP is a lil more happening, the sunsets are drop dead gorgeous from our luxurious (yet affordable) apartment overlooking the beach.. Actually I kinda miss Melbourne and I'm glad i stayed there for close to two weeks.. It's scorching hot in SP and U're roasted if there's no breeze. Melbourne's hot sunny weather is complemented by the cool breeze and u can just stay out in the sun the whole day..

Sydney was boring with a capital B. The only plus point was the sunset at Sydney Harbour.. Fucking Beautiful. Well.. That's one less future holiday destination i guess.

I realise that this is rather a boring entry, just to update those who care that i'm alright and i miss y'all. Sorry Faz i couldnt join u for soccer last week, I would if i was in SG.. Take care of urself Barak, i'm sure u'd be fine by the time i come back..

Take care guys and see ya in a bit.

Melbourne Melbourne

2005-11-30T10:27:00.000+08:00

G'day Mates!

I've spent only 2 weeks here and i miss everyone already. Hope everyone's doing fine back in SG... To tell you the truth Melbourne's a really beautiful place, a vibrant city with nice (and weird) people but home is where the heart is yeah.

So far weird people i've met include an old man who swung handbags at passing cyclists, a girl in kickboxing gear who challenged guys to a fight outside a 7-11 and lotsa drunk aussies who either ask you for "Mo Bayr" (More Beer) or ask where to "get a piss on". I didn't know what the latter meant so i told him to pee at the wall.. haha turned out he was asking where he could get a drink! So far i've managed to adapt to their slang, was difficult at first like pronouncing A as Eye instead of eh and E as Eey instead of ee.I took 20 mins to speak to the Optus Customer Service Officer cos he couldnt understand my As and Es. What a riot! haha.

Anyway, I've been eating a lot a lot here.. whacking lamb and beef and chicken and seafood, the cold has given me an appetite, hopefully it'll continue when i come home.. There's so much food around, from Italiano to Indonesian.. more expensive than in SG but I'm trying new and different kinds of food everyday.. Gastronomic delights indeed. Jermyn's a great chef too and we're lucky we have him around.

Anyway, i'll leave ya with a few pics i took so far.. If you wanna contact me, my number's pretty easy.. It's +61431177550.. :) nice number yah? So.. till my next entry.. Cheers Mates!

The view off Bourke Street where my campus is located.

A lil bit of R&R at Loch Ard Gorge, along Great Ocean Road.

No prizes for guessing who i wished to share this lovely sunset with..

Day One

2005-11-19T07:37:00.000+08:00

It's a bright and sunny day here in Melbourne and I'm lucky enough to have internet access at a friend's friend's place. the view is breathtaking, i can see all the way to the beach/harbour from this 22nd storey apartment. We touched down at 0530 hrs Melbourne Time (+3 Singapore time) and our accomodation check in is at 2pm. Go figure. Turned out that even though we got the tix from Qantas, we flew in a British Airways plane.. managed to catch Charlie and the Chocolate Factory as well as The Talented Mr Ripley. Service was not bad.. The Brit accent a plus point as well. And Melbourne is beautiful. I can't wait to explore the city.

Will update more as the days pass. Till then ciao mates.

Karma and some well wishes

2005-11-01T00:13:00.000+08:00

Karma's a bitch when it decides that the friend who always gets injured starts scoring goals and u start getting injured and can't seem to score. Stubbing my toe and bruising the tendon behind the knee is a negative return for my investment of a 2 hour kickabout. (damn, i've started to bring in finance-speak)..

Anyway, here's wishing all my Indiano friends a very merry and bright (geddit? it is the festival of lights...) Deepavali.

Maaf Zahir dan Batin... Pls forgive me if i have erred in my words and/or actions and have offended you in one way or another. Selamat Hari Raya Idul Fitr'!

Freak accidents

2005-10-22T15:01:00.000+08:00

I have a friend who always gets injured no matter what he's doing.. whether it's playing soccer or just grooving on the dance floor or playing chess at al-majlis. well.. this post is dedicated to him and his injury prone-ness, to reassure him that freak accidents happen all the time and he's not alone in the world... and whatever happens we'll still be there to pick him up when he falls. Well, Mr Mubarak here's a list of freak accidents that happen.

RIO FERDINAND: During his spell at Leeds the England defender managed to pick up a tendon strain in his knee watching television. Ferdinand had his foot up on a coffee table for a number of hours and ended up injuring a tendon behind his knee.

RICHARD WRIGHT: The Everton goalkeeper faced most of the summer on the sidelines after damaging his shoulder falling through a loft as he was trying to pack away his suitcases.

SEAN FLYNN: The then Kidderminster captain suffered a broken nose, busted lip and bruised toes after tripping over his son's toy cars.

DAVE BEASANT: The veteran goalkeeper managed to rule himself out for eight weeks in 1993 when he dropped a bottle of salad cream on his foot, severing the tendon in his big toe.

SANTIAGO CANIZARES: The Spain goalkeeper missed the 2002 World Cup after accidentally shattering a bottle of aftershave in his hotel sink. A piece of glass fell on his foot, severing a tendon in his big toe.

KASEY KELLER: The American international knocked out his front teeth while pulling his golf clubs out of the boot of his car.

ALAN WRIGHT: The diminutive former Aston Villa full-back strained his knee by stretching to reach the accelerator in his new Ferrari. He subsequently swapped the sports car for a Rover 416.

DAVID JAMES: The England goalkeeper once pulled a muscle in his back when reaching for the television remote control and the keen angler also tweaked his shoulder when trying to land a monster carp.

STEVE MORROW: The former Northern Ireland defender broke his collarbone after falling off the shoulders of Tony Adams while celebrating the 1993 League Cup final win against Sheffield Wednesday.

ALEX STEPNEY: In 1975 the Manchester United goalkeeper Alex Stepney dislocated his jaw while shouting at his defenders during a match against Birmingham.

CHIC BRODIE: The Brentford goalkeeper's career came to an abrupt end in October 1970 when he collided with a sheepdog which had run onto the pitch. Brodie shattered his kneecap while the dog got the ball. ``The dog might have been a small one, but it just happened to be a solid one,'' he reflected.

SVEIN GRONDALEN: The Norway defender had to withdraw from an international during the 1970s after colliding with a moose while out jogging.

ALAN MULLERY: The England star missed the 1964 tour of South America after injuring his back while brushing his teeth.

DAVID BATTY: The former Leeds and Blackburn midfielder managed to re-injure his Achilles tendon when he was run over by his toddler on a tricycle.

DARREN BARNARD: The former Barnsley midfielder was sidelined for five months with a torn knee ligament after he slipped in a puddle of his puppy's urine on the kitchen floor.

LEE HODGES: The then Barnet player slipped on a bar of soap in the shower and wrenched his groin.

CHARLIE GEORGE: Arsenal's 1971 FA Cup hero managed to cut off his toe with a lawnmower.

And the all-time classic:

MISTAR: The Indonesian footballer was killed aged just 25 by a stampede of pigs which overran his team's training pitch in 1995.

(source:soccernet)

Ouch!

Barak getting his finger injured from pointing at the fishies.

The case with my kids

2005-10-15T14:09:00.000+08:00

This year, Saturday Mornings will never be the same again.

For one, i'd get to sleep in. Then there wouldnt be screaming kids giving me migraines at 9am anymore. I myself wouldnt have to scream or shout, or raise my voice at all for that matter. I can even watch cartoons on TV. Aahhh. Peaceful Saturday Mornings.

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.

.

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Oh bother.. i'm gonna miss those dang kids. Well, i love kids (no, not in a paedophiliac way) and i don't mind teaching.. so that works out to.. me liking to teach kids? But Saturday Mornings, no no no. I've been late for god-knows how many times this year and it would be a miracle if they extend my contract... And if you ask me to be a full time teacher.. hell no!

Maybe cos:

1. I just cant stand the endless calls of "Cher! Cher!". 3 hrs a week is bad enough, imagine 5 days! Wah! Torture!

2. I have limited patience dealing with errant kids. It's only by extreme willpower that the white board duster remained where it belonged - the white board. Having a loud voice helps too.

3. I prefer Finance anytime than the study of pedagogy. Ugh.. the thought of my Teaching Cert project is enough to make my eyes drowsy. That's BORING with a capital B!

4. I'd rather be a Financial Analyst who spends his spare time teaching underpriveleged/academically weak kids on weekends than a full time educator who buys and hold shares.

5. For me.. teaching is like Literature and soccer. Didn't take Lit for my O's cos didnt wanna kill off my interest in the subject.. and I hate going for routine soccer training cos i'm scared of losing passion for the game. Likewise, Teaching will be a dish best enjoyed on the side.

And as they trooped outta class for the last time just now, they Salaamed my hand and I couldnt help but hope the very best for them . I guess all teachers (part time or full time) eventually feel this way. I feel proud of my charges, the quiet ones, the disruptive ones, the cocky ones, all of 'em.

Good luck kids. Study hard. Reach for the stars but don't forget the flowers at your feet.

Mendaki Tuition scheme AMPS Primary 3-3. Aren't they just adorable?

Definition.

2005-10-12T17:51:00.000+08:00

Seditious tendency.
3.(1) A seditious tendency is a tendency:

(a) to bring into hatred or contempt or to excite disaffection against the Government;

(b) to excite the citizens of Singapore or the residents in Singapore to attempt to procure in Singapore, the alteration, otherwise than by lawful means, of any matter as by law established;

(c) to bring into hatred or contempt or to excite disaffection against the administration of justice in Singapore;

(d) to raise discontent or disaffection amongst the citizens of Singapore or the residents in Singapore;

(e) to promote feelings of ill-will and hostility between different races or classes of the population of Singapore.

Offences.
4.(1) Any person who

(a) does or attempts to do, or makes any preparation to do, or conspires with any person to do, any act which has or which would, if done, have a seditious tendency;

(b) utters any seditious words;

(c) prints, publishes, sells, offers for sale, distributes or reproduces any seditious publication; or

(d) imports any seditious publication,

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Just so you know. It is an offence to utter any words that are seditious, and in seditious it is meant anything that disrupts the harmony of Singapore or anything against the Government. Period.

Huh? What's that u say? Free Speech?

Me myself and I(slam)

2005-10-03T16:17:00.000+08:00

We're at the fringes of Ramadhan and once again I sit down and wonder about my relationship with my faith. Of course deep down I want to be a good muslim but my actions speak otherwise. Last time round, I fasted for 30 days and prayed 5 times a day as often as I can. This continued for a few weeks into Syawal and I was happy. I fulfilled my religious, familial and academic obligations and I had met someone wonderful at the same time. All it took was a trip to KL with the guys when I was "conned" into drinking a seemingly innocent concoction, "pineapple juice" they said (it turned out to contain alcohol). Well, what was done was done so why not do more right?

Well, this led to a whole year of debauchery and "abstinence from everything good". Things didn't exactly work out with S* and I slid down the depths of morality. Ok maybe it's not as bad as I made it sound... and it's not as if I chopped off anyone's head and dumped it at a prominent location (read: Orrr-chaard rode, please take one seben pourr).. but missing so many prayers and going for religious functions while still on "alcoholic probation" was still blasphemy (at least in my books).

Now, that time of year has come round again, I seriously don't know what's gonna happen. Of course the first 10 days of fast have already been rendered invalid by my careless consumption of alcohol a couple of weeks back. I want to be a good Muslim. Eventually. If my mom knew half the shit I've done, it'd definitely break her heart for sure and I can't handle that. But I don't wanna be a good Muslim for that justification alone. I want motivation to be intrinsic and not because of someone else, even if it's for the woman I owe my life to. I guess she knows she's losing me, that might explain why she tried to match make me to tudungsters. Ok, that's another story entirely. I guess this post has something to do with Liy's recent post. It's something close to my heart, something that has always hovered at the back of my mind, no matter what's occupying it.

I keep telling myself that my parents can't expect their son to be an Ustadz, you sent me to mission schools all my life, you can't expect a secular mind. I'm liberal and with this liberalism comes all sins western and unIslamic in nature. I keep reminding myself that I'll be a good Muslim once I have a family, so that I can lead my family down the right path but...what if I can't? What if I get entrenched in this hedonistic lifestyle and I can't claw my way out? It's always easy to say that I'll resume/relearn Islam when I start my own family but I can't even find time now, what makes me think I'll make time for it later? When I have an added responsibility, my career. It's so bloody unfair of me to put my faith on hold while I enjoy my youth. Islam is not a hotel for me to leave when I'm young, ambitious and wide-eyed, only to return when I'm old, lonely and have nowhere else to go.

I have always procrastinated when it comes to this. Hmmm.. Maybe hesitated is more accurate. I'm unsure of where to turn. Am I a hypocrite to fast, abstain and pray only during Ramadhan? Is it just my way to remind myself that, despite my lifestyle, I've made a promise to return to the right path when I've a family? Have I even made that promise? Honestly, I don't know. I'm lost. Could I have lost my directions in LIFE to my western idealism and values? Maybe. With so many questions and so little answers is it even a wonder I push it to the back of my mind? Well, even that last statement turned out to be a question. How ironic.

This post will not have a conclusion. Simply because there isn't.

What dreams may come

2005-09-22T17:54:00.000+08:00

It was a dinner... a gala dinner. And somehow i was wearing my No.1 uniform, with the rank of Major. Come to think of it, it wasn't my CD ceremonial dress, rather it had red trimmings which suggested the SAF.. We were waiting for the guest of honour.. after sitting down for a bit, he arrived and it turned out to be SM Goh.. AS he walked to the stage in front, he stopped by my table and spoke to me.. At this moment I lost my balance and fell back into my seat. Shocked by this lack of decorum, i quickly rushed back onto my feet. He bent towards me (it's true, the guy is tall.. plus i'm short) and whispered.

"Do you have vampire lights?"

"Er, No Sir, I do not."

"In that case, it's ok."

He walked away and I was left wondering what he meant. I remember thinking that he was asking for those lighted sticks that airmen use to signal jetplanes onto aircraft carrier runways...

Hmmm. in my history of weird dreams this takes the cake.. As usual, my mind has interfered in my unconscious by piecing fragments of my consciousness and hidden aspects of my subconscious and lumping it into a.. dream. much like a scrapbook of my conscious/subconscious states..

Gala Dinner - I have no idea.

Major - I guess i like this rank, dunno why, i remember after the SM left me, i sat down and was fixated upon the Singapore emblem on the epaulet..

SM Goh - According to Jimmy, it shows that I have a need to get to know the high and mighty.. Maybe its cos i'm reading The Prince (Niccolo Macchiaveli) and I have The 48 Laws of Power (Robert Greene) waiting to be read.. Or.. maybe it's cause Liy's getting chances to meet the high and mighty and i wanna be a part of that too... Do I?

Losing my balance - Awed i guess.

Vampire Lights - Guess this is the poster of Nightwatch, a vampire flick, that i barely notice everytime i walk past the cinema poster section at Causeway Point..

I dunno man. maybe i'll have part II tonight and this might give a clearer understanding of my subconscious.. Bah. I'm just weird i guess.

Busy busy August

2005-09-03T13:00:00.000+08:00

Ok so it's been a-nother hundred million years since my last post.. so sue me. :) things have been rather busy lately. Yeah its true, its been projects (both school and Mendaki-MDIS) and a bit of outside work here and there. Ushering for NEC-ICA and being a camp instructor for FIT (FTPPS camp). August has been wonderful, albeit super packed but so many new memories and experiences. Only drawback is that i haven't been able to seen some wonderful people (you know who you are) and I apologise (profusely profusely) for that. Not my intention to cut anyone out of my life, i promise will meet up soon and chillout/catchup k? Anyway, there's so many things running through my mind right now that i really don't know what to pen here.. Hmmm. But they say a picture paints a thousand words so i'll just leave some pics up for u. :)

Interviewing Mr Ali Pandir, ex-MD of GM ODC for IM project. hmm i think this was last month.

NEC-ICA ushering. Easy job, plus we got paid to eat the finger food!

Me and 2 lovely ladies for company during the S'pore Fireworks Festival.

I got lucky at the SIM-RMIT bash '05. Thanks for lsing some height Hobs.

Pre-Birthday celebration at 7-11. Haha.

Barak took a pic of Jimmy taking a pic. What do u get? 2 idiots.

Faeeza, Faz and Barak doing their thang.... which is.. i have no idea wat.

Ora et Labora! Some great friends from SJI. Thanks guys.

To look good in a photo, remove wife's hand from arse.. hehe. Gops looks real good here.

So.. there. Almost all the activities from August and maybe one of July. If u want any of the pics just ask me on msn yah? will gladly pass them to u. Anyway here's to a good September.. Take care. Will be back real real soon.

Heck-tic!

2005-08-07T15:44:00.000+08:00

It's been a real busy week for me what with the planning for the Melbourne trip, the family BBQ on top of the normal routine of school and various projects.

Today's a good good Sunday. u noe why? ok besides the fact that my friendster horoscope is perfect..

It's Cos The English season is restarting! Ok sure its the Arses vs the Cash Cows in the Charity Shield traditional curtain raiser bla blah blah but hey it's English soccer and I love it. National Day is also around the corner and The buzz is all around, can u feel it?? The fireworks festival, the rally at Marina, all the Celebrations in the heartlands.. passed by JE in the train yest and they were having rehearsals, makes this little teeny weeny island so lively and that little bit more bearable. Sure feels like its gonna be a good month. We've already gotten tickets from the tour agency in chipchopchinatown and our travel schedule reads: Sin-Melbourne, Melbourne-sydney, Sydney-brisbane (and Gold coast perhaps) then Brisbane-sydney(transit)- Singapore. Sounds perfect doesnt it? Now all we need to figure out is wat to do in between. haha.

Anyway we need to get budget lodging in Sydney and Brisbane in the period 2nd-7th Dec 2005 so if u noe any or are willing to let 6 good lookin, fun, crazy dudes bunk in wit ya, gimme a holler at firecrackah@yahoo.com.

Alright then, have a good weekend and enjoy the up coming holidayyyy.

Here's some pics commemorating our first month together. :) Love ya lots babe!

Thank you for this first month of bliss and rapture, let's forge more memories in the near and distant future.

Sinking your fingertips into every inch of me..

2005-07-17T18:05:00.000+08:00

To whom it may concern,

As i type this down, i am fully aware that you may be watching over my shoulder at every single letter that appears on the screen. I don't care anymore. You know i've told my friends about u. I've even mocked you on several occasions. I seriously don't care.

I don't know who or what you are, or even if u understand what i'm typing here. I don't even know whether u have good intentions or otherwise but if u have something to say, tell it to my face. I can't promise you i won't be scared but i'll try my best to communicate with you. But I simply cannot take the fact that i wake up every morning (or afternoon, depending) with fresh scratches on my back and/or side. You even had the cheek to inflict one on my stomach when i was with her. When i was awake! I know it has something to do with her cos the scratches (re)started only when i started spending more time with her. The scratches have happened before but not everyday like what's happening now. The intensity and the audacity of the scratches are really bothering me.

As if you don't already know I have enough problems on my hands.

Please stop your antics.

Yours sincerely,
Zaky
____________________________________________________________________________________

I don't know what else to think. Its hard to explain the zigzag of scratches that adorn my back.. all of them are at such an angle that it would be v inconvenient (some totally impossible) for me to do it myself.. I'm being mutilated in my sleep.

Sin City

2005-07-11T11:52:00.000+08:00

One of the best print to screens ever.

Superb cinematography, superb direction, star studded cast.. Elijah Wood (not Tobey Maguire as i originally wrote) was excellent as a demented silent "eater of (prostitute's) souls" who didnt even flinch when his own dog ate him and he had his head lopped off. ouch. Devon Aoki was, for once, good in her role as the samurai-sword-wielding, swastika-throwing, cold-hearted assasin. She didnt have many lines (or was that zero lines in total?) and this made watchin her acting worthwhile. Hmmm i hope i haven given anything away. U guys shd watch it.. pure unadulterated violence (plus some T&A along the way).. but too bad Jessica Alba doesnt lose her clothes.

Finally spoke to an online friend yesterday. It's funny how the voice u hear on the phone, the face u see in the pics and the words u read on the blog never seems to match. All in all, she seems nice.. and funny (i like funny girls, all the girls i hang out with are funny).. Well the conversation was about a bridal modelling competition and she was interested in joining so i got the details from Khal.. I hope she joins.. and wins! so that she can dedicate half of her winnings to me and i can take Khal on a cruise to nowhere.. Haha. right. But i do hope she joins cos i sincerely think she has a good chance of clinching it (regardless of the competition).... Although if she joins just to check out the hot guys, then i don't know what to say. :p

I finally know why i can't say those words to her.. i re-read my june 10 entry and realise i had so much animosity towards myself.. But it's just a matter of time. I'm starting to like myself and the things i do.. for her.. and for me.

i must accept who i am before i can accept her...

Can't fight friendster

2005-07-03T10:36:00.000+08:00

And surprisingly (was it really that much of a surprise?) it did happen. Apt as it is, we met on friendster and friendster 'decided' when we would be together. =)

Anyway.. school's just ard the corner, can't wait to get it started. Despite everything that has happened during the hols, i do miss school and having a mundane routine plan to follow.. I miss my assignments and my tests and.. I'm such a fukken NERD aren't I? Nerd or no Nerd, i will miss school when i graduate.. ah nostalgia setting in even before it even happens, but i guess i've been preparing for the end of my academic journey ever since NS..

1 more year to join the workforce....

Friendster prophecy?

2005-07-02T13:15:00.000+08:00

Hmmm. I wonder if friendster horoscopes really mean anything?

Non sense

2005-06-22T07:13:00.000+08:00

We swirl

and we twirl

and we get caught up.
Live in the past,
lose track of the present,
reminisce about the future.
Lost, merely wanting to belong,
merely looking for assurance

that what we are doing is right.
But we can't tell right from wrong
and the greys blind us.
too often are we blind to the plight of others.
too often do we dramaticise our problems.
The only reason why our problems matter so much
is because they are

ours.

selfish needs lead to selfish gains.
the heart rules the brain and overrides logic.
the world is but a stage and we, mere players.
play according to the rules laid down for us
and no matter how much we try to cheat,
karma sets things straight.
Get caught up all over again.
All over.

Again.

I'm tired yet i won't sleep. I can't.

My idle mind

2005-06-10T22:07:00.000+08:00

I've been getting to know myself a lil bit better the last coupla weeks and i've come to the conclusion that if i were 2 separate people, we wouldn't get along v well at all.

I hate having time on my hands, it gives me the opportunity to introspect and scrutinise my own behaviour and life, in general. But with the lack of jobs this hols.. i've come to the bitter realisation that i'm at the crossroads of my life with no map and almost no memory of where i've been to guide me. Honestly, i dunno who i am anymore. I'm just this big bag of weariness. I'm weary at everything. I'm not proud of what i've achieved because i think i don't deserve those very achievements and i dun even noe what i want to achieve in the future (one year more before joining the workforce). I'm finding it so difficult to open up nowadays, i have friends who are willing and able to listen as well as provide me with sound advice yet i feel locked in. I dunno why.

I've lost my faith in people. In general. Not in any specific person/s but just qualities and characteristics inherent in everyone. Society has caused us to chase the wrong dreams. The popular dreams. Be rich, famous and successful.. Be a pilot, a movie star, millionaire stockbroker.. whatever it is, just earn as much money money money. Maybe this is too far a generalisation, maybe i've been surrounded by people who glorify fame, fortune and looks too much.. But I chase these same dreams.. like so many others around me. And i disgust myself.

I'm weary at how the media bombards us with images of perfection and that for a while my only goal for the hols was to work out and look better. Well fuck that. Why should i conform to society's perception of beauty? Do i really want to look good on the outside yet suffer in silence inside? Chiseled abs don't make u a good father, luscious lips don't make u a good mother. A perfect family portrait is just that. A portrait.

I look at my life and realise that i am woefully inadequate in every aspect. I am failing in every single responsibility entrusted to me. These days, i look at people and I notice all the ways that they are better than me. My flaws are magnified and the sheer weight of what needs to be changed scare the hell outta me. Failing myself is bad enough but failing my family, my friends.. I can't handle that..

I wonder how many people feel the same way. Not many i guess. Simply because not everyone has the time to look at themselves the same way i have. Had a conversation with Jimmy the other day and we realise that societal mechanisms prevent this from happening. People need money. People need to work to get money. So we slog. And slog. And Slog. At the end of the day, we come back, watch a lil TV then we sleep. We settle into the same mundane routine. We work hard just to get a new house, a new car, a new TV. Our life is measured by the consumer durables we have bought. Just like in Fight Club, we don't own our things, they own us. When the weekends come a knockin, we work hard to enjoy ourselves. To RELAX. to try take away all the stress of the previous workweek. what lil time we have, we wanna spend with our friends/family/spouses/significant others/pets. How much time do we have to/with themselves? Of course this is more applicable to the hard working lower-middle income people...So u would think that the rich would have more time to/with themselves since they won't have to work so hard? Wrong. They'd be too busy living up to society's expectations of them: Partying. Shopping for the latest fashion. "Having a life".

The idle mind is the devil's playground, the idle mind of course, leads to disillusionment (is this even a word??). This is society's way of saying that disillusioned people are misfits and should be treated as such. That's why they tell us in economics class that unemployment leads to "undesirable social effects" like a higher crime rate. But why are they misfits in the first place? Obviously there's something wrong with the system. Until society finds a way to "idolise" important values such as integrity, satisfaction (with what we have) and graciousness and reject values such as fame, fortune and shallowness... we''ll never progress.

Like Barak always says.. In the end we'll all turn to drugs.

Ok maybe not.

Revelations

2005-06-06T15:20:00.000+08:00

Due to the demise of my beloved laptop (or Lappy, as DJ Satoshi calls it) my incursions into cyberspace have been limited to the odd trips down to Gopz place. Well here I am, waiting for the damn results which should be out by the time i'm done with this post. For the first time in 2 yrs (or 4 sems) i might actually flunk a paper. OSD's sucha bitch yes i know. Sigh. I shan't waste time lamenting about my lack of effort during the sem, instead i'll just lament about whatever it is i feel like lamenting.

Ok i checked my results. Now i feel like just sitting still and not think. Hmmm. Will be back.

This is the life

2005-05-14T14:00:00.000+08:00

Finally, the exams are over and nothing matters anymore, at least not until June 6th. Thanks to all who wished me good luck for the exams, it's really appreciated, all the msgs and the calls..

The DPP presentation has also passed and i've handed over my Council Presidency to Adrian at yesterday's Bi-AGM. Although i did promise Adrian to help out as and when they need me, it's still a huge load off my shoulders. A very big thank you to everyone who've supported the RMIT FTSC throughout this sem, especially my EXCO (Adrian, Mel, Jac,Justin, Anthony, Nana). This goes out to even those who had nothing but criticisms and complaints for us, we wouldn't be able to move forward without feedback so... thank you too (u bastards). Haha.

And with a heavy heart i managed to tell Jac and Mel yesterday that i'll be joining Jim and Sid's group for next sem's projects.. I'll miss the girls, definitely.. haha feels like i'm breaking up with 5 girls at the same time (yeah right).. (pig)! Thanks and all the best, ladies.

Right now, I'm blasting chillout, the fam's in KL and everything's smooth, flowing. I haven been so at ease in quite a while. I'm not thinking abt anything negative at all.. zero worries.. hmmm so this is wat living alone feels like.. It's a life i can get used to, that's fo'sure man. This feels so damn good..plus i have a match tomorrow at 9 at SJI so the guys are stayin over at my place later. oh man the life of a YSL indeed. Young Single Loaded. Ok maybe not the loaded part hehe. Not yet at least.

Ok This YSL-to-be needs to clean up the house so i'll catch y'all later. Have a good 'un! Wish us good luck for our first match tm.. The Pink Nips play the field!

Civic mindedness at Civic Centre - It doesn't pay to help.

2005-05-08T04:13:00.000+08:00

We were sitting at McDonald's Civic Centre today, just chilling, like we always do. We had our large coke and our cigarettes and our small talk, everything was normal. After a while, Sarah noticed that there were 2 bags left on a nearby chair. At first we thought nothing of it, however after 20 mins or so, there was still no sign of the owner. Amin joked that it could be a bomb. After the queue cleared and still no one came back to claim the bags, my concern that anyone could just walk off with someone else's belongings grew, so I went into Macs and told one of the staff there about the bag.. could you please just hold onto some unattended bags outside? it's been there for the last 15-20mins. And just pass it back to the owner when he/she gets back? Thanks.

5 mins later, a middle aged lady came by. She look puzzled and i immediately put my hand up, got her attention and proceeded to tell her that her bags were inside.. What happened next was unbelievable. Simply unbelievable.

me: excuse me are u lookin for ur bag, they're with the staff inside.
woman: Huh who take?
me: Oh u weren't ard so i told them to take care of ur bag for u when u were gone.
w: huh? why u do that? I just went in for a while to get a drink.

I tried to explain why i did it. That i was looking out for her. And that the bags were in fact NOT left for a while. Cos before Sarah noticed, no one was sitting at that table, so the bags have been there for quite a while.

This is where i expected a thanks or at least sth along those lines. Instead i get..

w: Are you stupid or what? I only went in for a while (somebody get this lady a watch). I come out and U tell them to take away my bags! Why cannot mind ur own business issit?
me: look, u just need to go in and get it back from them. I did it because i didn't want anyone to walk off with ur bags.

From this point onwards she started shouting at the top of her voice.

w: i dun care! U better go in and take it back! U dunno how heavy it is, I carry so far.. and u just ask them to take it. Now u better go in and bring it back!

This is where my patience started wearing thin. I helped to look out for u, and u call me names, u shout and u embarass me. The counter was only like 10 m away from where we were. I refused to go in and take it for her. So... i took out a cigarette, lit it, smiled at her and turned away, shaking my head. I could feel everyone's eyes on me. That would be ard 50 plus ppl sitting inside, as well as around us. She continued shouting and i fought the urge to stub out my cigarette in her face.

w:U better go in and take it back or i will call the police! (if ure thinking WTF? that was exactly what went thru my mind)
Faisal: Call ah!
w: i am police ok!
F: SO am i. Go ahead and call, we have not done anything wrong.
w: U police? Let me see ur card!!

This is where the lady opened her wallet to show her PA membership card . Before Faisal cld show his Police identification, she walked away, all the while still cursing us and screaming that she was gonna call the police.

w: U better sit there and don't move. I'm calling police!!! Anyhow say that ure a police.
F: we're sitting down already! ( i thought this comment was quite funny, in the heat of the moment)
w: I WILL SUE YOU!! (this took the cake, i just burst out laughing)

We decided to wait for the 5-0(five oh: cops) even though Faisal had to leave and i wanted to go back and revise for P&M. She went back to her table which was by now occupied by someone else and started screaming at them for taking her place, screamed at them for taking her coca-cola (again, i wish to reiterate, WTF) and at one of them for staring at her. Poor guys, had no idea what hit them. Just came, kena fuck already.

Anyway, the cops arrived 20 mins later and we explained to them what had actually happened. Seems that the woman was a trainee for the VSC(Volunteer Special Constabulary). Wahhhh damn police ah. Bloody trainee. Identifying urself as a police officer. I'm sure that's an offence. Anyway, the 2 officers, an NSF corporal and a regular Sergeant failed to explain to her our good intentions and eventually she insisted on making a police report. But even the cops couldnt answer me when i asked them what the basis of her report would be. They just shrugged, turned and left. I hope she stops wasting other ppl's time by not going ahead with the report. Cos there isnt any case in the first place. Unless she decides to sue me for being helpful.

What would you do if u saw an unattended bag? Would it cross your mind to keep an eye out for the owner? Would you even give a damn? Would you report it? Remember the Total Defence campaign? Where the message was: Everyone Plays a part. Today Sarah, Faisal, Amin and me decided to display some civic-mindedness (sadly, a quality lacking in many singaporeans). And we paid the price. What if it was an incendiary device? or sth else that cld have threatened everyone's lives. I hope no one who was present there just now thinks twice abt reporting suspicious articles after what happened.

Cos i know i won't.

Remember the post titled freak? it shd be below. I was reading the same person's blog this afternoon. And she said sth abt her day being spoilt when this crazy auntie started talking to her on the bus and harassing her. Crazy aunties indeed.

testing new security features

2005-05-05T23:22:00.000+08:00

Hmmm. Can u try "stealing" this pic? or getting my source code for that matter?

I thought so.

testing comment box

2005-05-04T00:17:00.000+08:00

just checkin if this was werkin.

I'm back.

2005-04-13T18:41:00.000+08:00

It feels like i've not blogged for a gazillion years (although the actual time is slightly less than a mth) so i've decided to spiff up the blog by adding the cool mini jukebox feature on the right hand column. Thanks to jimbo for the script, although i'd like to state (just for the record) that my bandwidth is hosted by a really nice guy, Mr Gerald Sim at his website. This is unlike some people who hijack bandwidth from others. *coughs* (pirate! pirate!) haha.

Anyway.. if u shd noe, the last couple of weeks have been terrible for me. In short.. When i actually have my appetite, food doesn't taste half as good as it did before, my thoughts wander needlessly, i can't focus.. Ah.. Love? U might ask. Wrong. It's been non stop migraines for me every single day for the last three weeks. It hurts so much that I can't do anything at all, I feel that someone is banging a bass drum deep inside my head.. i force my eyes shut, i massage my neck, shoulders, temple, the back of my head. None of these alleviates the pain btw. I have the migraine pills but i've only taken them twice, at times when i really needed to face the computer screen, to complete my parts for the various projects. I try not to take them often lest their effects wear off, or even worse i grow dependent on them. Yikes! Mat druggie type! haha. (ok this is the part where Gopz and Barak yell Mat! from somewhere in the background). Anyway, i guess it must have been the accumulation of late nights, irregular meals, too much smoking( AM TRYING TO QUIT! I mean if i keep tellin that to myself it'll work right? right?) and stress. Gopz thinks that stress is the biggest factor, cos he'd had it before and it lasted for months. I tried to destress by playing the PS2 and even the games on my Samsung E-330C(new phone, cheap and good, love it, if only can find a woman like dat hahaha Geylang ur head la!) but i guess my natural competitivenes (even against myself) means that my stress level actually increase. Oh Bother. I hope mine doesn't get as bad as Gopz'. *fingers crossed* It hasn't recurred today. Oh man, exams are just round the corner.

I have a bit more to say but i guess i'll just lean back and chillout. I'll be back soon, meanwhile enjoy the songs! Have a good week fellas.

Freak

2005-03-18T19:51:00.000+08:00

Freaky coincidences are just that. Freaky. Was reading someone's blog a coupla minutes ago.. Nope not anyone i knew personally but someone whose blog i enjoy reading nonetheless (u can get to her blog by clicking Random2 on the left). Immediately after i finished reading her blog, in which she mentioned bumping into her professor, a certain Dr Ryan Bishop from NUS, i stepped out of my room. As i entered the living room, aware of the loud blaring from the radio (news on warna 94.2), i just heard the newscaster mentioning something abt the US and Condoleeza Rice.. sth along those lines.. Afterwhich, a guy's voice came on, giving his two cents worth on whatever it was that they were discussing. It turned out that it was Ryan Bishop from NUS! What are the chances of that happening man? In the space of 5 mins, i read abt a total stranger and hear his voice on the radio - and Warna too, of all channels. Well.. I guess Life is full of surprises.. even when they are seemingly insignificant, ure still just as taken aback. I shd be used to it u might think, cos Shite like this happens to me all the time but truth be told i'm not. and i dunt think i'll ever get used to it.

Do it.

2005-03-14T21:59:00.000+08:00

I am a slave.. i crave..

illusions of pleasure.. of leisure..

yet with every breath i take,

It is the same breath that is consumed..

These chains.. slow me down..

constrains.. yet.. i cannot refrain..

my will, held against me.. melts before me..

ashes before my very eyes..

is there no other way out?

temptation can.. will... kill.

Must purge this poison before it's too late.

Have been tryin to cut down the last few days.. Had approximately 4 sticks today. Well.. approximate cos have been sharing fags wit da guys.. u noe like a few puffs each.. so all adds up to 4.. Had 3 yesterday.. so it's a step in the right direction. Had a talk the other day with Barak and Gops.. and Barak said that we shd quit now and not after we've been smoking for like 10-15 yrs, before we've wasted our lives.. Time stopped. Barak had a point.

Anywayyy, it was valid and it struck me (hard) that i really need to get it done.. The worst part is the feelin that i NEED it. that i can't live my life without it.. I feel trapped.. like I'm in a relationship, where she follows me everywhere, even the urinals.. Come to think of it.. it kinda is that way.. .I feel insulted that i have to NEED something that much and that bad. Yet i think of the many nights that it had kept me company, kept me warm. But what the hell. I think i can do this. Not immediately of course, research shows that only 5% of smokers manage to quit by going cold turkey.. And i've recently signed up for Quitnet, an online quit smoking network which stated that i'd save $447.12/yr if i quit now. Wow. And that's in US dollarssss.. Haha. And if i were to quit for 15 yrs that'd be.. A LOT! Woo hoo.

Yet.. On a more serious note, i admit that this is gonna be hard. Wish me luck. Even now, i feel like goin to Esso to grab a pack. Hmm.. I wonder if i can quit by the end of this month.. I dunno wats a realistic target. Anyone been thru this before, or know anyone who has??

I. Need. Help.

The Joke

2005-03-09T22:51:00.000+08:00

I don't understand why people don't take the time to read. It helps to improve your vocabulary and exposes you to different writing styles to say the least. Just finished reading The Joke by Milan Kundera and i started my very own little book of words, copying down words i don't know and finding out what they actually mean. The grand total was close to 160 new words. Phew. And i havent even finished lookin up their meanings.

Anyway, i thoroughly enjoyed the book, Kundera manages to succeed in transplanting the reader back to 1950s Czechoslovakia, throughout and after the Stalin Era. The plot centres around Ludvik Jahn, a bright and intellectual Student activist who was expelled from the Communist Party and the University, and who lived his whole life hating the very people who sentenced him. When he returns to his hometown many years later to exact his revenge, he finds that many things have changed, people, in particular, changed. He finally realises that what happens in a specific period stays in that period. The love that u once shared with someone will fade.. The anger and frustration u feel towards a comrade for backstabbing u will succumb to memory.. People move on and living in the past will only devour your present and destroy your future. Of course there are many sub plots but i don't wanna bore u guys.

That last part serves as a lesson for me.. If she ever did have any feelings for me, it was because of the circumstances surrounding us at that time. I am not the person I was to her before. We would not have very many things in common now than we did at that time.. Well things have changed.. and I am no more to her than an ex classmate, so i hope these dreams will stop and my subconscious takes a break. So that's that.

On a different note.. The s'pore govt has decided to whack smokers by extending the no-smoking ban to bus shelters and interchanges, public pools and toilets, community clubs and open-air stadiums. I think this is a move in the right direction (yah down) as Singapore seeks to alienate smokers and leave them isolated at home, lonely, depressed and broke. Eventually the cigarette will go the way of the chewing gum. And if u ask a S'porean if they smoke, don't be surprised to hear "no, i don't . Just in JB." Pfft. Time to quit i guess. And i thought i would quit when i have children. Ugh.

She

2005-02-27T16:54:00.000+08:00

As i sat in my living room, listening to the merciless rain thundering upon my awning in the patio, i recounted the dream i experienced just a coupe of moments before. It was the most vivid of dreams i've had in a while now..

2 human chains, or rows of seats stretching as far as the eye can see, made up of many faces some i've known some i've never seen before..yet all were from CJ.. i was near the front, where everyone was standing up.. it was a game.. somehow we were to pass items by kissing.. The game started, the other team was fast locking lips and moving down the line.. before i knew it, kenneth came beside me, grinned and spit sth out on his hand, putting it into my mine.. cheating, as usual.. i had the stuff, it turned out to be the buttons from my tradional Malay dress, i recognised the red gems embedded into the buttons.. Then everyone's faces faded, yet i could still hear cheers and i realised that the other team was way ahead.. i ran down the row and stopped at a girl.. then i noticed that someone was sitting just behind, jen, with rach and jasmine.. This was my chance.. i remembered thinking that since this was a game she could not refuse.. i skipped that girl and went to jen's seat, her face turned to shock and when i bent down to kiss her, she moved away resisting my attempts to kiss her.. the pain i felt at that moment, the rejection, the embarassment at having being rejected in a silly game.. i can still feel it now.. finally i gave up and moved to the next row where i saw Angel and Jolene.. Jolene gave me a peck on the lips and i passed her the buttons.. I turned towrds jeneen and suddenly i was alone. I woke up.

Why am i still dreaming of her? It's been 6 long years man.. and the dreams come back every few months.. its haunting me man.. i dunno why. someone. help me. please.

Randoms

2005-02-26T13:03:00.000+08:00

My friendster account has inexplicably been suspended. And they have not responded to my email.. blurdy slackers. So if u realise u have 1 friend less, that's me goin MIA. (somehow I hear Gopz and Barak laughing in the background, "There goes his 283 friends".)

There are just some girls who look tall but actually are shorter than u when u come close. And there are girls who look young but actually turn out to be older than u. And girls u notice the first time probably will fade away as time passes, girls u barely noticed before will suddenly be noticed. "Hey, i never knew how sweet her smile was." u noe, that kinda thing. Where am i going with this? I dunno. Thus, the title.

A couple who have been together since JC (5+ yrs) have recently split, citing differences in objectives. The girl has now focussed her attention to 'yuppies'. wth.

As some readers (ok only 1) have requested for me to be more funny, i will end with a joke. I made this one up myself.

Who's the Baee who keeps on turning right?
Ke-kanan Pu-singh.

Ok. somehow, that sounded better in the dressing room when everyone was making baee jokes.

When Passion translates into victory

2005-02-17T22:11:00.000+08:00

O! Sweet is the joy in victory.

Finally.

After 2 years of trying. We overcame teams that have beaten us before, strong teams who thrash other teams without any second thoughts. We stood resolute and reached the top. We did it. And all because of the solid team spirit and camaraderie, the fact that we had a ball of a time and our numerous good luck charms (the blessed water, the blessed gum, the cutting of hair and nails to 'Buang Suay', the pink nipples and the shaved legs). We were by far the noisiest with our huddles, cheers and taunts'; backing up that in-ur-face cockiness with strong performances on-court.

We came from behind in the semis to beat Konoha 2-1 (Francis' team, who beat us 2 sems back in the semis) and we managed to beat last year's winner's PantyBoys (Alvin's team, who beat us in the grp stages last sem) in the final, scoring a massive 3-0 triumph.

The day was capped off with a superb dinner at Swensen's with the $180 voucher that we won.. Sigh.. Victory tastes even sweeter with swensen's ice-cream. :p

THE PINK NIPS AND THE SHAVED ONES FOUNDATION

Contented with life and its many pleasures - apple crumble , lamb chops and pasta!

The Tudung nightmare Part Deux

2005-02-16T20:30:00.002+08:00

Sometimes u feel that the worst is behind u.. only to find out that the worst actually has other things in mind.

My mum is apparently looking for Minah Madrasahs to introduce to me. Yes. After the proposed attempt to get me hitched to her best friend's Tudungster daughter fell through, it seems that she has not given up hope.. Hmmmmm.. and who would have thought that i would use Minah, Madrasahs and Introduce in the same sentence. Here i was, enjoying singlehood and the fact that I didn't have to get myself involved in the trivialities of relationships and what-have-you when this piece of shitty news just shook my world upside down again. Oh man. oh maaan. Argh.

Of course, i have nothing against tudung girls, only I'm just not too comfortable walking around in public holding hands with one. Or making out with one for that matter. Ok that was bordering on blasphemy but it's the honest truth. I'm sure all you tudung ladies are nice, smart and all. Ok i know it's not all abt the physical stuff but.. I was from St Gabriel's pri, Saint Joseph's Institution and Catholic Jr College, u can bet ur head scarves that my views, mentality and behaviour are/is more liberal than the average Malay Guy. I don't mean any offence but i dun think we're each other's types. (This brings to my mind what an old friend recently told me, "Honestly Zaky, I still don't know what's your type." She's known me since sec 4 mind u, but i digress.)

So what I suppose I'm gonna do now is try askin out that Hot Mendaki Chick i've been eyeing. If not, maybe i'll just bring a barely covered Ah Lian with multiple Angkongs on her arms, legs and forehead home to my mum ("Herro Auntee can shmoke here anot?!"). Hurhur. That'll be a nice way to tell her i appreciate the gesture but hey, It's my (love)life.

On another note, it's Sports day tm so wish us luck. Hope we win this sem, it's abt damn time. Btw our team name is.....*jeng jeng jeng..*

The Pink Nips and The Shaved Ones Foundation.

Don't ask.

That damn mosquito.

2005-01-30T17:11:00.000+08:00

I swear i don't have a mosquito problem at home. Only thing is, i have a problem mosquito. It's this lone ranger that goes around with the sole purpose of irritating the hell outta my family. Yes, i swear, it sucks our blood not to survive but to enjoy the looks of exasperation plastered on our faces every time it does it. I have at least 10 bites on my legs after watching the match this morning. I mean what kinda mosquito drinks so much blood anyway? And it's fast i gotta admit it, no matter how fast i swipe, it moves even faster. You would have thought that after a certain number of bites it'd be slowed down cos of the extra food in its belly but nooooo.. my theory is that it bites and sucks just a lil so that it can come back for more.. u noe wat they say, it's more healthy to eat more frequent meals of smaller servings compared to less frequent meals of bigger servings.. Jeez, a health conscious mosquito, wat next?.. That's not the worst thing, it's the incessant buzzing just before i sleep that gets my blood boiling.. Just when ure about to fall into slumber, there's this loud buzzing sound near ur ear.. I mean WTF man! Do i go talking into ur freaking ear before YOU sleep? (although technically i don't think mosquitoes have ears but that's beside the point.) Argh.

Must. Kill. Mosquito. Soon.

Singapore Flava!

2005-01-18T20:44:00.000+08:00

Well firstly, Congratulations to the Lions for a job well done in the Tiger Cup. It's the first time I've seen such solid defending by a Singapore team, ever. LL was a rock between the sticks. er..yeah. Anyway, it was an electrifying atmosphere over at the National Stadium, it was packed; and even at 730, (Kickoff time)people were still streaming in through the gates. Managed to see many many familiar faces, classmates friends buddies cousins... By the time i managed to find DC and GERARD (yes yes u were there, Gerard) the route was blocked as throngs of fans sat on the steps. Then the organisers decided to open another section which was solely devoted to a huge Tiger Banner and let the 200 people sit down. V Smart. But why wasn't it done earlier?

It was heartwarming to see Singaporeans united, cheering for our lions and jeering our common enemy - the ref, who made so many bad calls i thought he was actually from Batam. Aide should not have been sent off, the poor guy, wearing the captain's armband unceremoniously banished from the field. It's been awhile since i went to a live soccer match and I admit i was amazed by the Kallang wave all over again.. and of course the best cheer undoubtedly remains "peh peh pehpehpeh pehpehpehpeh..BUTOH!".. Hahaha.

Went to HRC last night. Twas wicked, Singapore Comedy at its best... Kumar! Yeah, so he stopped doin boom boom, who cares? He's not giving up HRC because "Melayu the beesssttt".. haha.. I never laughed so hard in my life, he poked fun at everything, politics, sex, race.. It was unbelievably good. Makes me wonder why i waited 2 years to see him perform after my firefighter recommended him in Station.. Anyway, U shd catch it.. A word to the wise (now i sound like my lecturer), if ure a munjen, i suggest u stay away from the stage cos u confirm kena bang. Confirmed.

There it is. 2 very singaporean things. Close to my heart. Undeniably Singapore Flavas.

Go me.

2005-01-14T22:49:00.000+08:00

Finally landed a job as a Mendaki Tutor.. My first class is tm at Admiralty pri, will be teaching the P3s.. But the downside is the $275 that i have to cough up for the tuition seminar from MDIS. This effectively means that i would be providing free labour for the first 4 weeks.. but heck, i'm helping my community anyways. After that i'll have a stable income, woohoo! (meagre as it is, at least i'll be able to save a bit foe the Year-end Melbourne trip).

Gonna be a hectic weekend ahead, Man U-Pool(+Morientes), S'pore-Indon.. Anyone have spare tix??! Really wanna go and soak in the Atmosphere over at Kallang.. Do holler yah?

Have a smashin' weekend guys!

Have a smashing, wicked 2005 everyone.

2005-01-11T13:38:00.000+08:00

It's been more or less 2 weeks since my last post and many many things have happened in between. (In school now, in between appointments so this post may seem a bit rushed.)

First of all, there's the matter of 2004 forever leaving us and 2005 coming in to stay for 365 days. NYE was not happening in the conventional sense but at least i managed to spend it with my buddies.

School has restarted and shite have been steadily piling in, slowly but surely. I can't even begin to think about DPP 1(Developing Professional Practice) and the immense workload.. Investment looks scary but i seek solace in the fact that finance seemed that way too last sem before we started covering the 'tough' topics and realised that it wasn't that bad. We're currently doing council recruitment and to be at the other end of the table in an interview is a refreshing change indeed. There are so many things one can learn just from observation alone. And whoever said that being in council never pays? Experience like this is priceless.

I had originally planned to list down my resolutions for 2005 but i realise that the best place to have them would be in my head. And so far, i am actively following these resolutions so wish me luck. May i have more conviction and self determination (not to mention discipline).

Last but not least, Sorry to everyone i havent been spending time with.. I have not forgotten u guys, i WILL meet up with u soon.

It's a new year, have a new haircut, a new semester.. a new breath of life...

A little prayer for all the victims of the Tsunami tragedy.. to those taken before their time, He works in mysterious ways, may u be in a better place than u were before.. Amin.

Done and over with

2004-12-29T17:00:00.000+08:00

And so it happened. It was at the staircase at the foot of her block that we sat and i poured my heart out. I told her everything last night. I dunno why i did it but i guess in a way i wanted her and this whole chapter to be closed in the same year it began, thus no emotional baggage to bring over to 2005.

I know now where i stand. At the same place i've always been. Sigh. Its amazing how things that u expect to happen and are able brace urself for, still manages to come round and stick its ugly head up ur ass when it does actually happen. If only.. well, Fuck that. What-if scenarios only lull u into a false sense of security, and cloud ur judgment. This is life, she's at a different stage, and so am i. I'm moving on, whether i like it or not. At least i got what i wanted. A big hug. And watching these words pop out of her mouth...

If i hadn't met u, my life would be gloomy, u brightened up my life.. Thank you.. u are someone special to me. I will miss u.

Anyway, orientation was alright, registration was a bit of a cock up but everything was ok after that. Phew, that was a huge sigh of relief. Poor Melinda, she lost her hp, her visa and debit cards and $30++, someone nicked them from her bag when she left it at the LT.

Ok gtg wash up, meeting da guys for a nite of hard partyin at Zouk/Phuture.. all courtesy of Mr Mubarak the rich kid.. adios muchachos.

Bleargh.

2004-12-27T19:19:00.000+08:00

Laptop is down again at home. Just as i was abt to get a portable hard drive, it crashes. Damn. Hope data is still intact and that only motherboard is affected.

Wish me luck, it's orientation tm. Hope things go smoothly. Really don't want this to fail as have spent almost entire hols on it.

Anyway, welcome back Barak. It's been a while... Let the sin begin! Mwahaha.

Greetings from Bukit Bintang, KL.

2004-12-19T21:22:00.000+08:00

Things have been shite ass happening over here in BB, KL. Have been clubbin for the last 2 nights: Nouvo first then followed by the hotter than hot Hard Rock Cafe, KL. Will be going Orange later, now at the hotel's cyber cafe (3 mins left)... believe it or not, we have stayed at a different hotel for the last 3 days. Mad! Tis the busy season and everywhere is fully booked.. Ok gtg, will be back tm and will upload the gazillion pics we took since we touched down.

and fyi, my name is carlos for tonite's clubbin. I'm supposed to be mexicaaaan.

Right.

This is so ME.

2004-12-16T14:16:00.000+08:00

eXpressive: 6/10
Practical: 2/10
Physical: 5/10
Giver: 5/10

You are a XSYT--Expressive Sentimental Physical Taker. This makes you a Firebrand.

You are volatile, sexy and sexually driven. You're magnetic and fascinating, but you don't really enjoy playing the field -- it makes you nervous and preys on your insecurites. But when you fall for someone you fall hard. You tend to over-analyze things, so the slightest comment or action from your significant other can send you into a tailspin. You crave attention and validation from your loved ones, so if your friends don't like your partner or your partner doesn't like your friends it makes you suffer. Unfortunately the two are often in conflict -- you have excellent insight with your friends, but in a relationship you are blind. Trust your friends! You blow hot and cold, with big highs and big lows. This makes the bad times very bad but the good times very good, so you tend to stay in a problem relationship much longer than you should. But when a relationship fails, you hold a grudge. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but make sure your grudge doesn't cloud your vision the other way! What would help you most in your relationships is confidence. You need someone who can help you feel good about yourself and not worse. You can be needy and jealous. Fortunately you are cute(!) as hell.

Of the 166314 people who have taken this quiz, 5.6 % are this type.

i dun agree with the scores cos it's so fukken low but daaamn, the analysis seems to hit da spot. Extremely accurate for moi, i feel. Hmmm... what do u guys think?

U wanna try it too? click here.

Staring at the sun

2004-12-14T15:02:00.000+08:00

When i was young i used to stare at the sun. Sometimes at the beach, away from the hustle and bustle of the family BBQ, sometimes on the long lonely ride home from my grandparents' place in our yellow mini Suzuki. It used to fascinate me. The way the sun would seemingly change from an incandescent white ball to a seething black mass with a bluish tinge. My mom's pleas for me to stop staring would fall mostly on deaf ears, and the images of me walking around with flames in my eye sockets never did put me off. The sun was beautiful, still is in fact, and it is perfectly understandable why primitive people worshipped it and offered sacrifices. The Sun provided the vital energy needed for their crops to flourish and their very lives depended on their harvest. What a tragedy it would be for the sun to disappear suddenly leaving them in an all consuming darkness.

The irony of it all is how i have become an owl, instead of a lark that flies with the early rays of the sun. I prefer the cold comfort of the black night to the warm embrace of the sun. But maybe, just maybe, i guess deep down i would like to be that lark. The one who wakes up at the crack of dawn and not the one who wakes up at the crack of noon (or even later). I do like to wake up early for work or school or soccer, i like to be in the midst of people running about, running their daily lives. Like they say the early bird gets the worm.

I still see myself as that little boy in the backseat staring at the sun, ignoring the discomfort to my eyes, willing myself to continue. Undaunted by the consequences. Or should i say foolhardy and offering little thought to and scant regard for the complications? Sometimes i do things just because i wanna see whether i measure up to actually completing it. I don't compete with people. I compete with my self. And sometimes, it's just the hardest thing.

Poetic burst

2004-12-10T20:18:00.000+08:00

"The skies were clear and the stars were out in full parade. If only I could take down the canvas of the sky and premanently etch it into the backdrop of my dreams."

I am thinking far too much. Again.

She Will Be Loved - Maroon 5

2004-12-08T17:02:00.000+08:00

Beauty queen of only eighteen
She had some trouble with herself
He was always there to help her
She always belonged to someone else

I drove for miles and miles
And wound up at your door
I've had you so many times but somehow
I want more

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved

Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful
I know I tend to get so insecure
It doesn't matter anymore

It's not always rainbows and butterflies
It's compromise that moves us along
My heart is full and my door's always open
You can come anytime you want

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved

I know where you hide
Alone in your car
Know all of the things that make you who you are
I know that goodbye means nothing at all
Comes back and begs me to catch her every time she falls

Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved

[in the background]
Please don't try so hard to say goodbye
Please don't try so hard to say goodbye

Yeah
[softly]
I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain

Try so hard to say goodbye..

I just love this song..there's just sth abt it.. maybe it's his voice.. maybe it's the lyrics... maybe the music video.. I dunno...

Alexander the great (disappointment): A failure of print-to-screen

2004-12-07T10:53:00.000+08:00

Watched Alexander last night at Marina wit Gopz and Faeeza.

I'm not sure exactly where it went wrong but it probably lies somewhere between getting the facts of various events confused, or the fact that 2 out of the 3 books had been covered in the first 20 mins of the nearly 3 hrs long show. Perhaps my expectations were too high... but clearly Troy this was not to be. It was way too wordy and maybe someone else would have made a better Alexander (Brad Pitt?). The show didn't do justice to King Philip of Macedon and the Great King of Persia at all due to their very limited screen time and some characters like Eumenes, Callisthenes and Memnon of Rhodes weren't developed as much as they maybe should have (Er.. some weren't even in it).. However i do feel that the one bright spark was Angelina Jolie (hmmmm.. morning), she was excellent as the dark, moody Olympias, mother to Alexander.

I also wonder if the overbearing gay themes throughout the show was actually intended by the producers as all subtlety was thrown to the wind. Hephaestion might as well grab Alexander by the balls and drag him into his tent at certain points of the show. On the other hand, the idea of pure love as a result of extremely close kinship somehow did get thru, which i thought was one of the main achievements of the movie. A scene worth mentioning was the last battle in India which was quite tastefully done; when everything turned a bright pinkish sephia (is that possible?) after Alexander took a direct spear to the chest. Actually throughout the movie, the camera play was consistently good. Like the eagle eye view of the battle of Babylon.

Overall i did not enjoy it, i questioned many parts of it and at the end, i just couldn't wait to go home to finish up the last installment of the trilogy, Alexander: The ends of the Earth by Valerio Manfredi. Hard to believe it was directed by Oliver Stone.. And why is it M-18 anyway? The audience was treated to Colin Farrell's 'the great', Rosario Dawson's firm ample tits (hmmmm.. morning - but she looks like Ronaldinho!)and a male to male kiss as well, not to mention the gay theme throughout. Well, i'm not one to complain but i hope they're consistent with their ratings and that future movies do not get excessive censorship, better still remain uncut. This is definitely a step in the right direction.

Gone for 36 hrs.

2004-12-04T04:16:00.000+08:00

Will be in KL with the fam to celebrate Mom's bdae. Won't be back till Sunday Night.

My dad got a tongue lashing from Mom just now. He came late and we had to drive away from our illegal parking spot as the traffic warden spotted our car and zoomed in like a vulture to carcass. His excuse was that he had to get sth and this only annoyed Mom more. But i knew he was looking for her gift and I was even more surprised when he told me he'd got for her a diamond ring(!). I didnt know he was the type. Well, i can't wait to see the look on Mom's face tomorrow.. haha.. hmmm.. wonder if i'll be capable of romantic gestures after 20+ yrs of marriage? Assuming i find someone of course.

Well, this will be a gd opportunity to straighten out my thoughts and figure out my action plan. Although, somehow, i already know what i'm gonna do.. Maybe i'll find an anak datuk in KL.. yah yah. wishful thinking.

Cheers, those who are gg ZoukOut, have a ball, break a leg.. the rest of ya, enjoy the weekend yah.

The pretense starts.

2004-12-03T22:18:00.000+08:00

To quote a line from Steven Barter Jude,

"Fuck the world. The world killed my spirit.

This is wat i feel. Right now.

Still it's not your fault. I will reply to ur msg and pretend everything is ok.

Should i give up? Or risk destroying an already broken heart trying?

I will let my head clear and my mind rest before i decide.

Yesterday

2004-11-26T14:44:00.000+08:00

It's amazing how women can ignore you for like 4 days and then suddenly re-appear in ur life as if nothing had happened. Better still, wave all ur worrying away with a line like "I was busy and tired..". Ouch. Not too forget the ultimate peace offering by getting u a book u've always wanted (but one which u've never mentioned before), scribbling a 'thank u for ur friendship and..' note inside. She must be:

[A]feeling really guilty ignoring me the last few days,
[B]giving me the hint that we're friends and nothing more,
[C]a really sweet and sincere girl with a big big heart.

I hope it's the 3rd one. but i'm aware that it can be all 3. Heck must stop psycho analysing.

Anyway, We went to watch Bride and Prejudice yesterday. Real nice. Typical bolly meets holly show, lotsa colour, confusion, calamity and chaos. Not to mention it turned out to be too close to a musical for comfort. Nonetheless, an enjoyable show, of course with 2 sizzling hot leads and plenty of pretty faces supporting, why wouldn't it be?

Why women should come with a health warning.

2004-11-23T13:30:00.000+08:00

Women are a strange breed. Their very reason for existence seem to be irritating the hell outta men. Sometimes, i feel that if Adam had discovered the Automobile, the PS2, playing cards and had his buddies round for the big game, i'm sure he would not have had to remove his rib for that constant pain in the side we now call women. I guess the only way u can handle them is NOT to be nice to them. Someone once asked me why i gave them so much face and I seriously can't remember answering that question (at least, not with any merit). At certain points in my life, i think he has a point.

If you're nice, they take advantage of you (some of my close friends will remember the Mentos incident). If ure an asshole, they'll complain and whine to their girl friends and long-suffering nice guy friends but inevitably end up sleeping with u anyway.. so:

A) their nice guy friends realise the advantages of being an absolute bastard and become one.

B) or they actually give up harbouring secret feelings for these girls and turn gay.

C) you, as a big time jerk, get to treat them like crap but still get to sleep with them eventually.

I have encountered certain specimens of women in my life, all of which caused headache and in certain cases, heartbreak. In an extreme case, even extreme delusion and mental breakdown. Their behaviour can be so hard to decipher sometimes... What is up with not msging, then calling us to demand to know why WE never msg? What's with the Jekyll and hyde personalities; sweet, loving, cuddly-coo one minute, and then "super pissed GETOUTTAMYWAY bitch invades Takashimaya" the next? What's with them taking an hour to decide to get ready, another hour to actually implement their plan and finally a hundred million years to remember where they put their banana honeysuckle almond ultra moist, ultra soft, ultra sensuous, ultra sexy lip balm ? What's with trying all the shoes in Orchard then deciding to actually buy a bag instead, "cos i have simply no more space for those lovely pair of Charles and Keith's but this bag is oh-so to die for and a definite must have for this season, doncha know it's in fashion in Milan, Paris, Tokyo, Zimbabwe...bla..bla..yada..yada..yada.."? All these contradict the simple logic of deciding what u want and then doing it..

Argh! Women. Bah! Will never understand them. Once u think u got them remotely figured out, Boom! they morph/evolve/mood swing into sth else. Stay away unless neccessary (read: horny).

Disclaimer: This article is meant strictly only for entertainment and educational purposes only. The writer is in no way discrediting any one individual or women in general and the views expressed here are his own and no one else's. He would also like to state, for the record, that he loves his mum, grandma, sis and gal pals v much and that he fully respects women's right to live, just like any creature of God's green Earth. Peace.

Soccer, hurrah!

2004-11-21T02:44:00.000+08:00

My line is back up. Finally.

David called me at 11ish just now. I didn't even remember his number but i recognised his voice and of course, it was an invitation for a soccer match tm. Superb. Could always count on my first love to make me feel better... And Man U won Charlton, with Giggs (hurrah!) and Scholesy scoring. Things are lookin up. For sure.

Will post up my Hari Raya pics soon. Not now tho. It's 250am and my eyes are imitating the Hari Raya lights outside my window.

Need a job. One that allows me to maintain my focus on school, friends and council. Maybe one that allows me to work PT during the term as well. Any lobangs?

Anyway, wish me luck. A couple of goals tm would definitely brighten these gloomy moody days. Ciao, enjoy wats left of the weekend guys.

It's been a busy week!

2004-11-11T17:43:00.000+08:00

Hell yeah. No sooner had the exams ended did I start mtg up with everyone that i've missed so dearly the last few weeks/mths..

Let's see.. last friday was my last paper (details of how badly exams went will be covered in another post) and i managed to catch up with my buddies from CJ: Gops, Faz and Fairoz (and his gf Julie). It was hard enuff looking for a seat at the v v crowded Haig Rd food centre and it was a miracle that our combined persistence eventually forced the Indian Hawker to conjure a table out of nothing right smack in between 2 already existing tables. Nonetheless, we had our buka and we chatted, just like old times. This time, it was Gopz and Fai's turn to be banged cos the other 364 days of the year were obviously for me. Was non-stop guffaws, giggles, smiles, laughs.. wat a nite! Line of the night goes to Fairoz who said, "This people is a P.I.M.P." referring to me going out with many (?) girls... Mwahahahaha, with lines like dat, no wonder we laughed ourselves silly.. missed those times..

Just like the good ole days..
____________________________________________________________________
Then on Saturday, i went out with my 2 cuzs, Amin and Sarah. Had shredded chicken noodles at Puncak (was Not nice, shall never let them drag me to Puncak ever again, Cahaya Rules) then went to slack at the bridge behind far East. Took a lotta pics and we even managed to catch a pic of a not so shy entity in the background. Haha.. finally managed to catch up with Sarah; am glad that Amin and Sarah have reconciled. Met up with Faisal later on in the evening.

The uninvited guest..

Amin in Wonderland

Me and Sarah at BK..
_____________________________________________________________________________________
On tuesday, broke fast in town with Shabby, Atta, Faeeza, Shana and lil Leyla(so big now, looks a bit like Nazra)! Nice to meet up again after exams but surely felt that grp missed Barak and Gopz.. Had a gr8 time and managed to slack at the bridge behind far east (again). Not so shy apparition must be taking break as it did not appear in any photos. After that we went to little India for a little shopping (geddit? geddit).. mwahaha. am so corny, dunno how i live with myself. Anyway, twas good to be there, rich infusion of indian culture and fashion. Will try to avoid females and shopping as they take forever to decide what is nice colour and then spending eternity complaining they should have bought another.

Us at the bridge, no ghost this time.

Me and Lil Leyla!
_____________________________________________________________________________________

Yesterday, managed to go for a proper date with her. Man, she looked breathtaking in a Japanese looking top, complete with Japanese chopsticks holding her hair up. Va va voom... But I looked like crap. Anyway, we went to catch Shark Tale, an ok cartoon, tho not as good as finding Nemo. Hmm would not really know that, as have not watched Finding Nemo. Anyway, we spent half an hour after that walking ard city hall/Marina/Suntec looking for a place to eat and eventually settled for Cavana at Marina. She got us lost cos she got distracted by a combination of shoes, bags, sales, "my favourite shop!" etc etc etc. Will try get horse blindfolds for her so she would not lead us astray. Only way to look is straight when wearing those. Well, we eventually plopped down at the Esplanade Roof terrace, serenaded by an Anita Mui wannabe who sang at the pavilion downstairs. But was good, as loud music caused us to get close to communicate. Camera also good as caused us to get close to take photos. Ben And Jerry's also good as helped her loosen up and soon we were chatting away. Confessed to her i smoke but would not smoke around her out of respect. 10 mins later she confessed that she smokes too. Wanted to strangle her as have spent a total of 7 or so hours since first outing tryin to control nicotine craving; but for fact was deliriously relieved. Still hard to believe we were planning on depriving ourselves nicotine-filled happiness out of respect for each other's perceived innocence. mwahahah.. She also confessed that altho she lost a lot of weight, she still has "TANKLES". Yes, wtf.. my reaction exactly. Turns out, she coined that term herself and it means between her thighs and Ankles (wah still can tell me to check up dictionary some more)..her calves, she said she has big calves. Which was good cos [A] I have big calves too! and [B] managed to errr.. gauge the size of her calves by squeezing and rubbing it then sayin it was o-k, in manner of doctor who just proclaimed that one does not have genital warts. Mwhaha. She also bought me Oreos and some other biscuits and told (commanded more like it) me to step up junk food intake so that i can be fat. Ok, must really gain weight now. Am wondering why she spent hundred plus on curling hair after i told her i loved curls. Is this a sign or just coincidence? but she is still going away to London, she has paid a lot of money for the exams and stuff and will definitely go.. Live for the moment, live for the moment.. At least have managed to persuade and convince her to celebrate NYE with me, will have honour of being first guy to do so (hurrah!), provided she gets leave..

The duckie and the frog/witch/exquisite vase....

Hehehe. Miss Oily Face.

Hmmm, must stop smiling to myself now before get sent to Hougang Luxury Chalets or even worse dumped to Malaysia after being accused of Being an Illegal Immigrant.

Stronger

2004-11-04T15:33:00.000+08:00

I was so right, so damn right... She's going overseas cos she doesn't have anyone here.. She's not close to her family and her last relationship took a really heavy toll on her.. That's why she wants to have a shot at a new beginning.. But the worst thing is when she told me to get a gf, to try my luck, gain experience.. this was after i said that we learn thru hardships, even failed relationships.. She is obviously disillusioned about relationships; And for her, London is an escape not a dream..

I'm already in deep enuff that I'd be stupid to let her go at that.. Because that was what i contemplated after the phone call this morning, and normally i would.. But I'm gonna do my best to be her escape, even if it means spending all my time with her the next few mths (ye have been warned). It's a make or break.

If this doesn't happen... I'm gonna take the advice of so many of my friends.. I'll just play the field. It's about time someone else picked up the tab for the broken heart. Better them than me... Better them than me...

A leads to B leads to C... grossest entry ever

2004-11-02T21:29:00.000+08:00

I didn't eat much for Buka (Break Fast) last night. I sorta screwed up my 3rd paper, Methods of Organisational Research (MOR) today. What's the relationship between these 2 seemingly independent variables you might ask? Let me enlighten u.

I didn't eat much last night, just a plate of extremely spicy chicken rice. My mom actually forgot to tell us that she had actually used chilli padi (the mother of all chillies, how apt). Anyway, the chicken rice didn't really sit well in the pit of my stomach so it was soon entrenched in the pit of my great white bowl. I spent the rest of the night cramming my brain and neglected to cram the tummy. Only had some bird's nest (Read: Essence of chicken, i always get them mixed up)... so came the time for sahur (day's meal at the crack of dawn, before the first prayer call).. So.. i had 2 plates of Chicken Rice and a few salmons lices, another bottle of Brand's, a mug of chocolate milk and 3 glases of Ribena. After my morning prayers i headed straight for bed. When i woke up, i was late and i reached school exactly at 10..

Reached the exam hall it was already reading time Stomach rumbling Clammy palms put my stuff down raised my arm request to go to toilet was rejected stared at the paper tried to think and formulate answers but failed raised my arm again shot down 10 more mins he said lay my head on the table cussing my luck and my tummy raised my hand 2 more bleeding mins wat da hell all this while my ass bleeding poison vapour pity the poor sods around me at the edge at the edge at the edge at the damn edge dammit still emitting semi poisonous gas scared i'd unintentionally murder ppl ard me potential HazMat situation how how how ah there's the signal i can go now stood up ass released its final sigh ppl ard try to ignore stench look away cursing me under breath i dun care i walked calmly to the front signed the form, opened the hall door sprinted for my saviour the great white bowl phew everything fell out perhaps my intestines too cos that's how it felt maximum release baby ah feels good great wunderfull i feel like i'm in heaven so that's how old ppl feel after holding their shit in for 3 days ok got out smiled at invigilator waitng outside constant checking of her watch told me to say i had diarrhoea i told i dun need to lie cos yeah shit happened it WAS diarrhoea reached the hall door walked thru started my paper 30mins later didn't finish on time lost about 25% due to shitting episode dunno who to blame sigh but at least i got it out of my system that has more than one meaning mind you hahaha

Dun u just love punctuation?

For all the nice guys in the world

2004-11-01T05:55:00.000+08:00

Sometimes it's so easy to give up being nice, to smile even though u hurt like mad.. to say yes/no even when ure heart says hell, no/yeah!.. To give and not expect anything in return.. I may be an asshole sometimes but I think deep down there's a semblance of a nice guy inside somewhere and I'm sure most of my guy frenz are NGs too.. In fact, i think they all are, otherwise i wouldn't be friends with them. So.... here's a lil something for them- us! : )

Click here only if you're a nice guy.

Have a Happy November people.

Everything's gonna be alright.

2004-10-30T16:50:00.000+08:00

Tried to talk to her about (read: out of) her UK trip. And I could see how she simply can't wait to go, it's her dream, another level of her career. (Damn you Maslow and ur Self-actualisation needs). Still, it's so damn foolish of me to think that she would actually put all that aside for some guy she just met; and so so very selfish of me for even having the thought of persuading her to stay...

But I'm actually ok with this. I have less than 2 mths with her and considering the fact that I'm gonna be working FT at Gain City again this hols, i'm definitely not gonna be able to spend much time with her.. Surprisingly, I'm taking this in my stride with more maturity than I'd reasonably expect. She's just someone at a different point in her life and that now (or soon enough), we have different paths to take.

I'm just glad that this realisation comes now, and not later. I am not smitten at all, unlike what my actions might suggest. For now, I shall live for the moment and embrace every opportunity to be with her.

As friends of course...Cos You never could have too many of those.

Man And Boy

2004-10-27T23:28:00.000+08:00

I've just finished reading Tony Parsons' Man And Boy. And in the process of reading this wonderful book, i gained some insights on myself. Amazing, right?

This book centres on Harry Silver, a producer who has everything going for him, a loving family, a beautiful wife, a great job and everything seems oh-so-rosy.. Then he sleeps with a colleague and everything starts to fall apart.. The book focuses on his struggle to be a single parent, his love for his kid, his admiration for his father and another woman he falls in love with after his wife left him..

There was one part where Harry tries desperately to get back with his wife.. She says that she loves him but isn't in love with him anymore.. He had no idea what she was talking about.. Until someone else told him that He was a romantic, he loved the IDEA of love, he loved being in love, but he couldn't take it when love became monotonous and stable.. he liked sweeping her off her feet but when things cooled down and everyday life resumed he just couldn't deal with it.. he still believes in THE ONE, even when his wife left him.. This part reminded me of myself so much.. It's so me.. Tony Parson knows me! he has been analysing my dating habits and he has interviewed every single girl i've gone out with (not a lot mind u) and he has come up with the formula of ME! And so he modelled this Harry Silver character after me... haha..

I'm such a twat.

Still.. i must learn from this book, i must not commit the mistakes Harry did, i must stop looking for the perfect one, unless she just happens to come knocking on my door, i must stop psycho-analysing every girl i meet... breaking her down from the way she walks, the way she shuffles her feet, the way she laughs, the way she ties her hair, the way she reacts when she's uncomfortable...Must stop searching for that flaw, that fatal flaw which i would focus on in my mind and strike her off my list permanently..

And this book really made me want to be a father.. to take care of my kid, raise him up, to shower him with TLC and to protect him all the way, and that's saying sth considering my phobia for commitment and how i dun wanna be tied down.. Still, i loved every page.. Gonna get the sequel thats for sure.

Frank Sinatra - The Way you look tonight

2004-10-24T19:49:00.000+08:00

Some day, when I'm awfully low,
When the world is cold,
I will feel a glow just thinking of you...
And the way you look tonight.

Yes you're lovely, with your smile so warm
And your cheeks so soft,
There is nothing for me but to love you,
And the way you look tonight.

With each word your tenderness grows,
Tearing my fear apart...
And that laugh that wrinkles your nose,
It touches my foolish heart.

Lovely ... Never, ever change.
Keep that breathless charm.
Won't you please arrange it ?
'Cause I love you ... Just the way you look tonight.

Mm, Mm, Mm, Mm,
Just the way you look to-night.

I just love this song, don't u?

Happy Belated Bdae Ida!

2004-10-23T01:27:00.000+08:00

Went to Lau Pa Sat on Monday (18th Oct) where Ida treated us to Honey Chicken Wings, Satay and Calamari.. it was a well-embraced respite from hectic studying and well.. we embraced the occasion alright! Enjoyed myself totally and got my belated bdae present too! haha a lovely cute sweet t shirt with the words "I SOUPORT PUBLIK EDEKASION" on it.. just a reminder of all the times i'd spot all their verbal grammatical errors.. hehe.. Thanks guys.. and to the bdae girl..

May u achieve all that u have set ur heart on.. we'll always be here for u. Always.

ok. heres da pics!

the gruesome 3some at the riverside, enjoying a quiet moment...

Deep within the shadows, 2 figures emerge to save the day.. Princessha and Nerdy Ida!

You wanna piece of this??! Ok ida looks disgusted at my violent aggression.

Everything's been fine

2004-10-21T06:26:00.000+08:00

I've always wondered why kids love me.
To find out click here !

hehehe.

Anyway, it's been major studying and abstinence from indulgences the last few days.. It's madness i tell u, actually it's much much worst but I am abstaining from the usage of any vulgarities in this entry.. I have been dutifully fulfilling all my responsibilities: as a student, a son, a brother and a jolly good friend.. and there is also that little spark in zee social life, which has given me a lil cause to smile every now and then.

'nuff said. Well..Gonna hit the sack after my morning prayers, haven slept the whole night.. All the best ppl, will catch up with all of u real soon!

Talk to me, tell me ur name...

2004-10-14T22:08:00.000+08:00

Hey everyone, from tomorrow onwards, u can call me on my phone anywhere anytime cos it'll be F-R-E-E!! I will definitely pick up the phone unless i'm studying, in the loo, on the other line (or I just dun feel like talking to u). So call, call, call!

Yeah, just changed my plan to the zippy i-one plus from the heavy Premium 700.. So it's gonna be lotsa SMSing (500!) and lotsa INCOMING calls.. and i think i can do a better job at Singtel 1626 than the Bhaee lass who picked up the phone.. Her intonation was all over the place and she didn't know a lot of things. (it helps that i've actually worked there before). Imagine my horror when she said that my upfront payments for the next 2 mths P700 subscriptions would be forfeited!! Then she realised her mistake and said that it'd be pro-rated.. wtf! Good thing i re-clarified with her and confirmed that it would be CREDITED back into my account.. Wat an absolute arse! Her first gaffe came when she said that my mom had to resend the staff rate application form, but i said that the last time i changed my plan, we didn't need to do that.. so off she went, scurrying to her supervisor, taking a 100million yrs to clarify before finally putting me off hold(actually 5 mins, but that's long enough!).. she also kept getting mixed up between pay-as-u-roam and autoroam and i ended up explaining what caller alert actually was.. Aiyoh... wat laaaa.. CMI! Hehe.. I actually like to call up 1626, just to do a little "audit" of my own.. so far, the standards have been quite bad.. I think i was the best they ever had man, so polite, nice voice, going the extra mile all the time.. Hahahaha... But it's true! No idle boast there ladies.. So if u want a man who can stay at home and answer calls all day long, i'm the best around!

Anyway, on another note, Tomorrow will be the 1st day of Ramadhan.. a month of abstinence and giving .. I dun noe why, this mth always bring out the best in me, i'll pray, be nice.. If only i'm like that all yr rd.. Anyway, went for terawih just now, the nightly prayers during Ramadhan, I felt so calm and at ease with myself, hope this means i'll be able to study without being so easily distracted.. Yah man.. wish me luck, exams are comin! Only solid Finance studying, the rest are *gulp* still lost at sea.. Argh! Anyway, gonna study now.. for all u freaks with exams rd the corner, good luck... if ure bored u can always call me, (from tm la)!

Dan Kepada semua muslimin dan muslimah, SELAMAT BERPUASA!

Will it ever end?

2004-10-12T11:33:00.000+08:00

I dreamt of her 2 nights ago.. again.. Must be the 123098th time ..

I will never, ever be able to move on at this rate.. Cos i simply dun give anyone the light of day. Not those 2 cute girls at the library yesterday. Not girls i got close to, spent much time with..i end up pushing them away.. This dream brought with it a realisation that made me sit up and wonder.. I always thought that those girls were not good enough for me, but now maybe... just maybe.. they were all not as good as her. It's been 6 freaking years. I could have had 2-3 good relationships, or 1 really solid one. Instead, i choose to be alone with myself and my thoughts of her and what might have been..

My windows media player is playing "Can't let u go" by Fabulous as i type.. It's on shuffle play, mind u.

I have no idea how to overcome this, sometimes i go w/o thinkin of her for a stretch, a few mths even.. then suddenly, i dream of her and i get entwined in her all over again.. This has got to stop..

Singapore girl wins Commonwealth essay prize

2004-09-30T17:10:00.000+08:00

A 15-YEAR-OLD Singaporean, competing against 16- to 18-year-olds, has won the top prize in a writing contest that drew 5,300 entries from 52 countries.
===============================================================
What the Modern Woman Wants
By Amanda Chong Wei-Zhen (RGS)

The old woman sat in the backseat of the magenta convertible as it careened down the highway, clutching tightly to the plastic bag on her lap, afraid it may be kidnapped by the wind. She was not used to such speed, with trembling hands she pulled the seatbelt tighter but was careful not to touch the patent leather seats with her callused fingers, her daughter had warned her not to dirty it, 'Fingerprints show very clearly on white, Ma.'

Her daughter, Bee Choo, was driving and talking on her sleek silver mobile phone using big words the old woman could barely understand. 'Finance' 'Liquidation' 'Assets' 'Investments'... Her voice was crisp and important and had an unfamiliar lilt to it. Her Bee Choo sounded like one of those foreign girls on television. She was speaking in an American accent.

The old lady clucked her tongue in disapproval.

'I absolutely cannot have this. We have to sell!' Her daughter exclaimed agitatedly as she stepped on the accelerator; her perfectly manicured fingernails gripping onto the steering wheel in irritation.

'I can't DEAL with this anymore!' she yelled as she clicked the phone shut and hurled it angrily toward the backseat.

The mobile phone hit the old woman on the forehead and nestled soundlessly into her lap. She calmly picked it up and handed it to her daughter.

'Sorry, Ma,' she said, losing the American pretence and switching to Mandarin. 'I have a big client in America. There have been a lot of problems.'

The old lady nodded knowingly. Her daughter was big and important. Bee Choo stared at her mother from the rear view window, wondering what she was thinking. Her mother's wrinkled countenance always carried the same cryptic look.

The phone began to ring again, an artificially cheerful digital tune, which broke the awkward silence.

Hello, Beatrice! Yes, this is Elaine.' Elaine. The old woman cringed.

I didn't name her Elaine. She remembered her daughter telling her, how an English name was very important for 'networking', Chinese ones being easily forgotten.

'Oh no, I can't see you for lunch today. I have to take the ancient relic to the temple for her weird daily prayer ritual.'

Ancient Relic.

The old woman understood perfectly it was referring to her. Her daughter always assumed that her mother's silence meant she did not comprehend.

'Yes, I know! My car seats will be reeking of joss sticks!'

The old woman pursed her lips tightly, her hands gripping her plastic bag in defence.

The car curved smoothly into the temple courtyard. It looked almost garish next to the dull sheen of the ageing temple's roof. The old woman got out of the back seat, and made her unhurried way to the main hall.

Her daughter stepped out of the car in her business suit and stilettos and reapplied her lipstick as she made her brisk way to her mother's side.

'Ma, I'll wait outside. I have an important phone call to make,' she said, not bothering to hide her disgust at the pungent fumes of incense.

The old lady hobbled into the temple hall and lit a joss stick, she knelt down solemnly and whispered her now familiar daily prayer to the Gods.

Thank you God of the Sky, you have given my daughter luck all these years. Everything I prayed for, you have given her. She has everything a young woman in this world could possibly want. She has a big house with a swimming pool, a maid to help her, as she is too clumsy to sew or cook. Her love life has been blessed; she is engaged to a rich and handsome angmoh man. Her company is now the top financial firm and even men listen to what she says. She lives the perfect life. You have given her everything except happiness. I ask that the gods be merciful to her even if she has lost her roots while reaping the harvest of success.

What you see is not true, she is a filial daughter to me. She gives me a room in her big house and provides well for me. She is rude to me only because I affect her happiness. A young woman does not want to be hindered by her old mother. It is my fault. The old lady prayed so hard that tears welled up in her eyes.

Finally, with her head bowed in reverence she planted the half-burnt joss stick into an urn of smouldering ashes. She bowed once more.

The old woman had been praying for her daughter for thirty-two years. When her stomach was round like a melon, she came to the temple and prayed that it was a son.

Then the time was ripe and the baby slipped out of her womb, bawling and adorable with fat thighs and pink cheeks, but unmistakably, a girl. Her husband had kicked and punched her for producing a useless baby who could not work or carry the family name.

Still, the woman returned to the temple with her new-born girl tied to her waist in a sarong and prayed that her daughter would grow up and have everything she ever wanted. Her husband left her and she prayed that her daughter would never have to depend on a man.

She prayed every day that her daughter would be a great woman, the woman that she, meek and uneducated, could never become. A woman with nengkan; the ability to do anything she set her mind to. A woman who commanded respect in the hearts of men. When she opened her mouth to speak, precious pearls would fall out and men would listen. She will not be like me, the woman prayed as she watched her daughter grow up and drift away from her, speaking a language she scarcely understood. She watched her daughter transform from a quiet girl, to one who openly defied her, calling her laotu; old-fashioned. She wanted her mother to be 'modern', a word so new there was no Chinese word for it.

Now her daughter was too clever for her and the old woman wondered why she had prayed like that. The gods had been faithful to her persistent prayer, but the wealth and success that poured forth so richly had buried the girl's roots and now she stood, faceless, with no identity, bound to the soil of her ancestors by only a string of origami banknotes.

Her daughter had forgotten her mother's values. Her wants were so ephemeral; that of a modern woman. Power, Wealth, access to the best fashion boutiques, and yet her daughter had not found true happiness. The old woman knew that you could find happiness with much less. When her daughter left the earth everything she had would count for nothing.

People would look to her legacy and say that she was a great woman, but she would be forgotten once the wind blows over, like the ashes of burnt paper convertibles and mansions.
The old woman wished she could go back and erase all her big hopes and prayers for her daughter; now she had only one want: That her daughter be happy. She looked out of the temple gate. She saw her daughter speaking on the phone, her brow furrowed with anger and worry. Being at the top is not good, the woman thought, there is only one way to go from there - down.

The old woman carefully unfolded the plastic bag and spread out a packet of beehoon in front of the altar. Her daughter often mocked her for worshipping porcelain Gods. How could she pray to them so faithfully and expect pieces of ceramic to fly to her aid? But her daughter had her own gods too, idols of wealth, success and power that she was enslaved to and worshipped every day of her life.

Every day was a quest for the idols, and the idols she worshipped counted for nothing in eternity. All the wants her daughter had would slowly suck the life out of her and leave her, an empty soulless shell at the altar.

The old lady watched her joss tick. The dull heat had left a teetering grey stem that was on the danger of collapsing.

Modern woman nowadays, the old lady sighed in resignation, as she bowed to the east one final time to end her ritual. Modern woman nowadays want so much that they lose their souls and wonder why they cannot find it.

Her joss stick disintegrated into a soft grey powder. She met her daughter outside the temple, the same look of worry and frustration was etched on her daughter's face.

An empty expression, as if she was ploughing through the soil of her wants looking for the one thing that would sow the seeds of happiness. They climbed into the convertible in silence and her daughter drove along the highway, this time not as fast as she had done before.

'Ma,' Bee Choo finally said. 'I don't know how to put this. Mark and I have been talking about it and we plan to move out of the big house. The property market is good now, and we managed to get a buyer willing to pay seven million for it. We decided we'd prefer a cosier penthouse apartment instead. We found a perfect one in Orchard Road. Once we move in to our apartment we plan to get rid of the maid, so we can have more space to ourselves...'

The old woman nodded knowingly.

Bee Choo swallowed hard. 'We'd get someone to come in to do the housework and we can eat out-but once the maid is gone, there won't be anyone to look after you. You will be awfully lonely at home and, besides that, the apartment is rather small. There won't be space. We thought about it for a long time, and we decided the best thing for you is if you moved to a Home. There's one near Hougang-it's a Christian home, a very nice one.'

The old woman did not raise an eyebrow. 'I've been there, the matron is willing to take you in. It's beautiful with gardens and lots of old people to keep you company! I hardly have time for you, you'd be happier there.'

'You'd be happier there, really.' Her daughter repeated as if to affirm herself.

This time the old woman had no plastic bag of food offerings to cling tightly to; she bit her lip and fastened her seat belt, as if it would protect her from a daughter who did not want her anymore. She sunk deep into the leather seat, letting her shoulders sag, and her fingers trace the white seat.

'Ma?' her daughter asked, searching the rear view window for her mother.

'Is everything okay?'

What had to be done, had to be done. 'Yes,' she said firmly, louder than she intended, 'if it will make you happy,' she added more quietly.

'It's for you, Ma! You'll be happier there. You can move there tomorrow, I already got the maid to pack your things.' Elaine said triumphantly, mentally ticking yet another item off her agenda.

'I knew everything would be fine.' Elaine smiled widely; she felt liberated. Perhaps getting rid of her mother would make her happier.

She had thought about it. It seemed the only hindrance in her pursuit of happiness. She was happy now. She had everything a modern woman ever wanted; Money, Status, Career, Love, Power and now, Freedom, without her mother and her old-fashioned ways to weigh her down...

Yes, she was free. Her phone buzzed urgently, she picked it up and read the message, still beaming from ear to ear. 'Stocks 10% increase!' Yes, things were definitely beginning to look up for her...

And while searching for the meaning of life in the luminance of her handphone screen, the old woman in the backseat became invisible, and she did not see the tears.

Do you ?

My reply and then some

2004-09-28T23:29:00.000+08:00

Haha.. the way were u put it, it feels as if we're in North and South Korea or East and West Germany, before the Berlin wall was demolished.. haha wats on my side, on ur side.. Well, since u asked, over here in my side (of the invisible wall), things definitely cld be better.. Thank god, the last of my 6 projects for this sem was handed in yest.. so it's all out studyin for the finals in 3 weeks. I have no life, i tell u. I wish i could leave my side and go to ur side and zip around the region, like thailand and china..So fun!

This was my reply.

There's a bit of symbolism inside there, like invisible wall which was wat SHE put in between us.. And an underlying meaning when i said I wish i could leave my side and go to ur side ... I dun think she'll get it, though.

Chilled at Siglap Starbucks today. Quite a nice place actually. Maybe i'll settle down in the east side someday.

I think i might be psychic. I saw my group mate, Melissa, just now at Siglap. I was so shocked that she remarked, 'eh, why u look so surprised?', and she consequently mirrored my expression to mock me. I had some sort of a vision this same afternoon that i would meet her, something i brushed away as easily as it had appeared, and it did happen! Amazing. This has happened before actually..i would think of someone and that person would appear sometime later.. There have been other instances like taking out my phone for no reason and then it would suddenly and mysteriously ring. Like thinking of a particular track when my discman is on Random Play and that very same track would be the next one.. Hmmm, coincidences? I dunno man.

HE works in mysterious ways.

Meandering thoughts on a saturday.

2004-09-25T20:14:00.001+08:00

hi zaky!
:) i just got back from thailand, malaysia and china. things are pretty ok on my side. could be better! how about you? what's up on your side now?

She actually replied. Funny. I dun miss her as much as i did when i sent the msg. Well...Ain't gonna reply today. Maybe tommorrow. Or the day after. Let it simmer down a bit. Wouldn't want her to think I still like her or sth.

Have been feeling mellow these last few days. Maybe it's cause i'm reading the Virgin Suicides by Jeffrey Eugenides. Maybe that inspired the previous entry. Lotsa maybes too nowadays. Shows how indecisive i am. That's the main thing i have to change if i wanna go far in life... Maybe later. Ok. Add procastinating to that list too.

Have a match with David's team @ NTU tm morn. Wish me luck. I deperately need to score. Should be my last field game before the dreaded exams.

P.S anybody noe how i can make $1500 before the end of NOV? Legally of course. Nooo Jim, I ain't gonna sell my ASS.

Semi suicidal tendencies

2004-09-25T02:00:00.000+08:00

It happened today. In school, it was only the 5th floor, looking down at the atrium. At the spot 5 floors below. At the spot where i would land if...

When i was young i used to dream i could fly. I'd be standing on the parapet of a building, i dun noe where but i remember the OG logo distinctly somewhere behind me. I used to look down and see people. Little specks carrying on with their daily lives, oblivious to the little boy tip toeing across the little pathway above, so narrow only his little feet could pass thru.. After loitering on his little perch for what seemed like an eternity, he would take a step forward and let himself...drop. This would last longer, more than an eternity, almost feeling like forever.. The ground seemed so far, yet so near at the same time.. As the cold hard floor came up to greet him, he would close his eyes, almost as though in prayer, and leave behind, his problems. As he closed his subconscious eyes, he blinked them open to a dark room and to an even darker reality. What problems do kids have anyway? Well, if u have ever been a kid, u'd probably understand. Maybe not. You're not me.

Maybe it was because of those dreams that i always thought i had a phobia of heights.. I was so wrong.

Everytime i look out of a window, to the world below me. Everytime, i look off a railing. I wonder what would happen if i propelled myself forward. If i launched myself off my feet. How would i land? What would happen if i closed my eyes in mid-flight? Would i wake up in another place? Would i have solved all my problems? Sometimes the urge is so strong. I wrap my arms around the railings. I clench the horizontal poles till my palms ache. I fear not the height but the depth. Of my semi suicidal tendencies. It calls me. Calls me. Calls me. Calls me. Calls me...

This is NOT a suicide note. I just never told anyone. And don't talk to me about this. Ever. I'm fine.

Presenting...

2004-09-13T22:05:00.000+08:00

THE PINK PUSSY WAGON DRIVER'S UNION!

Back(From left): Sid, Me, Ahmad, Barak, Marcus
Front: Yas, Gerald, Ker Lin, Gopz and Yaseer.

A bit slow i know but Jim just passed the pic to me. Supa Slow! Anyway, hope we win next sem!

One thing led to another..

2004-09-12T23:42:00.000+08:00

It was a Tuesday in Management lecture. I sat in the second row and U sat with Vicky behind me. At the end of the lect, i turned round and asked if anyone had watched F.R.I.E.N.D.S. the night before. Expecting a reply from Vicky, YOU answered me instead...

The previous entry led to this one.. just as that innocent question gave me a glimmer of paradise which i so foolishly let go...

I sent her a msg in Friendster... Have i ever really gotten over her? Is she the reason why i never let anyone else in? Am i any different from Edward who can't seem to get over that girl from JC? Who devotes his time in finding her even though no one believes that they could ever be? I just want a chance to tell her how i feel, how i used to feel, how foolish i really am and was.... Just that one chance. And then I'll let her go. I promise.

Gonna miss my F.R.I.E.N.D.S.

2004-09-12T22:19:00.000+08:00

I just watched the last episode of F.R.I.E.N.D.S. (yes yes i know it's supposed to be tm but i downloaded it. So sue me). Anyway.. F.R.I.E.N.D.S. has really been the one show i faithfully follow, season in and out. And I guess this is really the end, after so many seasons of proposed termination got delayed and the final episode never came. Until now. F.R.I.E.N.D.S. has been one of the few constant things in my life.. it was there when my raging teenage hormones in sec 3-4 made me watch it cos Jen Aniston was so damn hot, it was also the focal point of discussion whenever i spoke to Jen in JC1.. F.R.I.E.N.D.S. was the best excuse to spend time with JT in the reading room when i was in CDA, plus it kept me going, on all those mundane Mondays.. It kept me awake in between reports and fire calls as i performed my duty at Clementi Fire station..

I used to remember that i tried to be like Chandler in JC, i guess i did have the natural wit and sarcasm so ppl said i reminded them of Mr Bing (Ok only Vicky, Jen and Rach actually) ..but as the show progressed i realised i was more like Ross, the sensitive nerd with a loud macho shit-ass exterior.. also over time, i really appreciated the different characters.. Joey has always been so lovable, he really reminds me of Gerald.. haha.. Monica, who i used to detest, grew on me and i guess i do have her neat freak tendencies sometimes.. Rach.. well, she was the original reason i watched F.R.I.E.N.D.S., and her on-off romance with Ross did more than keep me at the edge of my seat.. Phoebe Buffay was the oddball who i initially thought was a female version of Joey.. True, she's dumb but she's kooky, weird and so funny sometimes.. But the most laughs came from Chandler's antics of course.. And then Joey.. Ross only started getting funny in the later seasons.. Well..I thought i'd type down the different moments from the various episodes of F.R.I.E.N.D.S, throughout the 10 seasons.. U guys got any?

My F.R.I.E.N.D.S. moments:

They were playing ball in the park, when Chandler tore Joey's shirt in a scruffle. Joey screamed that it was his favourite shirt.. Chandler's reply? "Well...Now u have 2 of 'em!"
Chandler kissed Rach before Ross. This was when Mon and Rach were in High School and the guys were in College. He simply said, "Hey I'm in college and i play in a band." She said ok and kissed him... Both the best friends' hairstyles deserved a special mention. Chandler with his 80s 'weird-lookin, there's sth abt mary' hairstyle and Ross with the nerdy curls (a la miami vice).
When Ross was putting the ring on Emily's finger and actually said "Rachel". Ouch. I think one of the seasons' finale.
The holiday armadillo(ross) and Santa Bing.
Frank. Phoebe's weird-ass brother who fell madly in love with a really old lady and persuaded Pheebs to have his 3 babies (by artificial insemination of coz). I thought he looked like Billy Joe Armstrong from Greenday.
How Monica fell for Chandler, the meanest guy she knew when she was younger and much fatter. I also remember Jack Geller telling them that he noticed their positions were wrong after he caught them doing it in the hospital storeroom hahaha. (i think Rach was having the baby)
The time when Joey went back to a girl's place and realised that he'd been there before. He had her on the couch, on the floor, in the kitchen, everywhere but the armchair because of the cactus.. It turned out he had actually slept with her sister! haha.
The race between the duck and the chicken across the hallway of the 2 apartments. The refs were Phoebe and Joey.
The really ugly painting that Phoebe wanted to give away and somehow Monica and Rach ended up fighting on who would (not) end up with it. It was really hideous. The woman in the portrait actually had her head sticking out of the side. Yucks. But funny nonetheless.
The time when Joey realised his deep love for Rach.. It turned out to be a different kinda love.. but it was so sweet.

I'm sooo gonna miss F.R.I.E.N.D.S....Damn.

Another one down

2004-09-07T11:59:00.000+08:00

We had our MOR presentation yesterday.. and despite all the last minute preparations, we did quite well.. This group of girls that i worked with was a bunch of fun, full of gossip and unneccessary info (hehe), a lot of air going around in their heads (haha just kidding).. Yes, true.. i did feel a bit upset when they forgot to call me down for the 2nd mtg but i guess everything turned out to be alright in the end and i think they kinda grew on me..haha..
Well, we still have the MOR report due at the end of the mth, Biz Finance test this friday, not to mention OE and ER grp projects due in the next 1-2 weeks.. Just a lil bit more.. I'm sure we can make it..
Well gtg for my haircut soon.. It's abt damn time.. I'm losing too much hair and it's getting so damn hot these days.. hope i look at least 17 and not 15 like the last time.

Green and white (backdated).

2004-09-05T22:35:00.000+08:00

Played soccer at the alma mater today, the second time in 4 days. Today's visit completes a nostalgic week for myself in which i have truly decided to send my son here, no matter what. If i can't give him anything, let me at least be able to provide him the Josephian education and experience that i myself treasure so much..

It was Sachit's suggestion that we drop by SJI to meet the teachers and on hindsight, despite Colin and Edwin pulling a fast one on us, it was a brilliant decision to go. I felt as if i never left, as if i was still wondering around school in my all-white uniform.. We met Mr Azhar Ghazali, who still remembered my name and claims we bumped into each other at Al-Muttaqin mosque last year, even though it was in actual fact, years back.. Met Ms Periasamy who vehemently denied that she cried in our class even though she did lose it a couple of times, hurhur.. i guess we were simply too much to handle.. Met Mr Jeremy Liew who insisted that it was better to push drugs big-time and insisted that i do it (i chose to ignore the racial undertones and instead told him i was happy pushing pop corn at a random movie counter) hahaha the guy has always and will always be FOC. Also met Cikgu Rahimah, who remains as talkative as ever and got us mixed up with other batches, Cikgu Sirhan also made a cameo appearance and still hasn't lost the ability to make me feel ashamed of myself for smoking.. Last but not least we met Mrs Laj, our form tutor in sec 4 who said,
"I have given up screaming at Josephians because no matter how bad they behave, they seem to have 3 little angels sitting on their shoulders.. And when the exams come, these little angels will guide their hands",
the way she said it, it was as if she meant it and i guess in a way, she did. We were a testiment to that. Still, the touching part was when Jeremy Liew stopped by when we chatting with her and asked:Isn't it gratifying to see all your students in University? She positively beamed and her wide smile showed how proud she was of our class.. We were the original 'bad class who made it good' and I am glad i ended up in 4c2. The last class. My class.

This journal entry is a little tribute to my SJI experience.. the track soccer early in the morning which left us drenched for class.. the principal who taught us Maths and actually thanked us for handing up our HW..the childish streaks in each of us and the many many pranks we played on one another.. the inter class tournaments and those times we sat at the grandstand and tried to commentate.. a good laugh every morning at assembly, Bro Paul was such a charmer("I wun say who you are but (insert random guy's name here) pls stop talking in the front row").. the way we cheered any time any one scored in the inter class tourneys.. the school spirit and J-O-S-E-P-H-S cheer... the fact that ur seniors just come up to u and speak to u as if u knew each other from way back... Renaissance.. Annual Parade.. Dikir Barat.. How the Malays would get to go straight to the beginning of the Malay Food stall line... the amount of religious, racial tolerance and understanding..the wonderful teachers.. The legends like Mr Clement Fernandez and Mr Francis Loh.. and other good people like Mrs Laj, Mr Sirhan, Ms Periasamy, Cikgus Zarazila, Rahimah and Rashid, Mr Ghazali, Mr Lui Seng Cheong, Bro Mike, Mr Sng Ah Seng, Ms Lorraine Lim and Bro Paul of course.. The school building, the different parts and the corresponding experiences..

SJI is one of the few things in my past that I'm actually proud of. Sigh...

My 22nd.

2004-09-01T12:14:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was a quiet birthday. Unlike previous years, where i wanted to see all my friends, i managed to spend this year's with a few close friends.. And i realised that with less people, i was able to spend more time with each of them.. And I was also pleasantly surprised that people i assumed had forgotten my existence, actually remembered my birthday! Haha.. I guess this year will be the trend-setter. With my 21st behind me, i don't have any more milestone years left and u can say that forthcoming birthdays will be spent with my family and close friends.. Have I actually grown out of my teenage years? Perhaps so.. not in all aspects but just a few.. And maybe this is one of them.. And to be honest with u, I really feel old..

Going back to SJI tomorrow. Miss my teachers.. miss my friends.. Damn.. I really hope that SJI doesn't go co-ed.. What about my son? I would want him to go thru the same experiences i did..

Argh. What's happening.. I'm getting old, nostalgic and emotional.. Help!.. In school library now. Missed another MOR lesson...damn.

NOTE TO SELF: PULL YOUR SOCKS UP!!

A day of many firsts

2004-08-29T22:20:00.000+08:00

Someone who's trying to tell me something has made his point. Yesterday i met Hairul in person at the library and he was waiting for Hilyah, the girl who Fizah tried to intro me to... I also finally spoke to Annisa on the phone, and she seemed at a loss for words, convinced that she'd lost A*, who had converted to christianity for real... For Annisa to be short of things to say shows how bad things actually are.. And Today.. I met Maz.

Went over to Barak's place yesterday and he drove us down to Tampines early this morning. As we stopped at the junction right in front of the sports hall, who should i see but Maz walking hand-in-hand with her guy across the road. It almost felt as if someone was trying to rub it in my face. That was when i started to feel nervous. My dad had called me a few minutes earlier and informed me that he was coming with my Mom and Taha to watch me play. *gulp* I have never played in front of my parents before. Actually only once when i was real young, i played for Fandi's Seventeen connection team. It went very badly. Add to that the fact it was my first time in school colours, and the fact it was the first time in my life I was playing Futsal. Don't get me wrong, pressure is a good thing but too much of it can be quite unnerving (even worse when its unneccessary). And i felt very nervous, so nervous my thighs and calves felt so damn tight and i couldn't even bring myself to look at Maz. Our first match was a hollow victory as the JTC team were still doing their night shifts and only the team manager was there. Pfft... In our 2nd match, Maz's boyfriend turned out to be the best player for the defending champs. And he scored the 2nd goal against us. We lost the 3rd match when Eddie deflected the ball into our own net.. so that's 3 imaginary goals scored. 3 real goals against(The walkover meant a 3-0 win for us..). And we were out of the tournament. Just like that. Eddie didn't play half as well as he did in our 2 training sessions. He lost the ball way too often and was the culprit for the defending's champs first goal against us. Well, we all didn't play as well as we should have. We played badly, in fact. But there were many plus points as well.

I was sincerely touched when my parents came down to lend their support, especially my mom who came and stayed on despite coming straight from night shift.. and I have realised that my forte lies in field soccer and not street soccer...definitely not Futsal, that's for sure. I have to get used to unneccessary pressure and use it to my advantage... I get distracted quite easily.. too easily. That's why i ignored Maz totally.

Well, we learn new things everyday. Next Sunday will be my last match (with 4c2) and then it's gonna be studies all the way. And wish me luck as i'm finally gonna start on my MOR. (timecheck:18.5 hrs left before dateline).. Go zaky! hehehe.

Putting the past behind me

2004-08-28T11:50:00.000+08:00

Someone is tryin to tell me something. This last week all the girls from my past have been filtered out of my life one by one.. Let me refresh your memory. First it was Ju, then Maz who i met with their respective guys. On Thursday, Fizah told me that the girl she tried to set me up with, already got attached(to Hairul, who happened to be my sec school classmate).. Yesterday afternoon i met Annisa and she confided in me that the girl she introduced me exactly one year ago has converted to christianity.. Later, in the evening, i was in town and I met Mel, the girl i was with in JC1. I don't even know why i went after her in the first place, she hasn't changed a bit, still unsatisfied with what life has given her... I felt sad for her. Anyway I feel that maybe a new beginning is overdue.. in many areas of my life..

This sem's time management has been atrocious. Absolutely, positively terrible. I have spent too much time on soccer, going to JB to buy cigarettes as well as council stuff.. I have spent too little time on my assignments, actually being in lectures and being with my close friends (like Sha and Ida..Sorry guys!) .. I have so much stuff outstanding and i hope i can get down to doing them.. It really feels as if everything is upside down man..

And about council stuff, i will not tolerate anyone who discredits the work we have done.. I sacrifice my time, at the expense of my studies and i can't take any bullshit saying that council is fucked up. Yes, in retrospect, things could have been planned a little better (doesn't it always??) but we are doing things for the student population for free.. It is free labour, dammit, we dun get a fucking cent outta it and screw the free t-shirts.. So, enough of all that shite about council not doing its job, if u think u can do a better job, step right up, it's yours. Typical singaporeans, never pay just want to complain a lot. Let's get this clear, we are not here to serve u, we just want to make school life more bearable for everyone. And if u can't seem to appreciate that, well.. I fully understand, but Singapore will never ever be a gracious society with ppl like u ard. Not that u'd care anyway, right?

Anyway, i'm still struggling to finish my MOR assignment. Need to do it by tonight, cos i have a tourney tomorrow, the President's Challenge Futsal Tournament 2004 and I'm reperesenting my school (for the first time in my life!).. This is like mini-self-actualisation i tell u.. In pri school they only started the school team after i graduated, in sec school i was in the school team in sec 1 but they disbanded it cos everyone performed badly in the end of year exams; and in JC i broke my leg.. How suay is that?? Hurhur.. Finally i get a chance to represent my school.. It's been a long ride.. I hope i win, do wish me luck.

Anyway, i guess some very important ppl read my blog cos my request was answered. United sold off Forlan. About damn time. Rooney at united? Interesting but wat abt Smith who has been working his socks off? Hmmm. Of course it'd be superrrb if Roonaldo crossed over but then again we have yet to see the full potential of Van Nistelrooy and Smith/Saha.. I dunno.. This is gonna be a very interesting season, indeed.. Cheers and enjoy the weekend ppl!

I'm famous!

2004-08-22T03:09:00.002+08:00

Ok maybe not. But i was blog hopping and i ended up at this girl's blog. One of her entries was right after the bash, where she won 2nd prize in the lucky draw.. this is how it went:

boo-boo of the nite :
i went up the stage to receive my "prized possession". and be4 i walked off, the male MC had to whisper so discreetly: "this bottle is not to be consumed within the premises". *bleah*

Haha. And that was me. I'm known as "the male MC" to some people i guess. Yay! And i contributed to some ppl's boo-boo of the nite!

Anyway Man U won, a superb strike from Alan Smith making all the difference in a 2-1 win. Glory glory Man United!

The air's getting stale

2004-08-19T21:58:00.000+08:00

Saw Maz yesterday in town. Like in the previous entry, what's with the dragging around of luggage? Her guy was this damn tall bald indian guy. Funny, i never thought she was the type. To go for inter racial relationships i mean.. Of course i pretended not to see her. I was er.. busy tryna u noe.. pay attention to what Jimbo was sayin.

I wanna meet someone new. Everything's just so stagnant. Looking for someone on friendster seemed like a good idea at first, until all the girls who link me turn out to be attached, too young (shuddup Ida).. or just plain weird. And i nearly picked up a girl who was wayyy to close to my frenz.. I was just about to send a msg when i saw a fren in her pics. Too close for comfort man..

Anyways THE PINK PUSSY WAGON DRIVERS UNION (yes, that's our team name) managed a respectable 2nd place finish for the sports day today. 1 win, 1 loss, 1 draw. Superb.

Ju

2004-08-17T21:55:00.000+08:00

Met Ju today. Missed her so much, the last time i saw her was probably years ago when i was in sec 4.. She dragged her baggage with her to the Clementi bus stop, a huge lump of a man, who dwarfed her tiny frame..probably her fiance. As such, i stayed away and breathed not a word to this girl who i used to like so much..

We were introduced by a mutual friend, she was from Crescent Girls and I, SJI.. She was 15 and I, 16.. The quiet one in the group, she offered little but her smile. I barely noticed her at first but was eventually intrigued by this petite girl who remained a mystery, unlike the other chatterboxes.. Our mutual friend eventually told me to call Ju, saying she wanted her 2 frenz to be happy.. The attraction, it seemed, was mutual.. She was the first girl who ever liked me, so naturally she was the first girl i backed off from. I asked her to be my godsistah.

Looking back i realise that i was such an emotional retard then. Well... some things just don't change. She stood beside me as I boarded the bus, and sat directly behind me. I totally ignored her, seemingly oblivious to her stares. Then the bus reached school.

I got up and left her staring at my back as i left everything associated with her, behind.

Chel-ski 1-0 Man U

2004-08-16T01:20:00.000+08:00

Absolutely NOTHING to be ashamed of. Utd worked hard, kept plugging away but as luck wld have it, the elusive equaliser remained that. Elusive. Was particularly impressed with the work rate of Liam Miller, who never stopped running especially after losing the ball. This is, however, unlike a certain uruguayan who looked like a headless chicken running about, losing the ball once too often and had a particularly irritating tendency of standing in the way of team mates' shots. Chelsea was lucky to score, the ball ending up in the Utd net the very second i opened the door and looked at the the TV screen. Ouch, bad timing man.

Anyways, I am looking forward to the rest of the season, i really hope that Starhub and ESPN resolve their differences man..

Here's a petition I'd like to see:
Sell Diego Forlan!

Balance

2004-08-15T16:33:00.000+08:00

There's better communication at home now. I'm really glad. At Long last. But I'm screwing up school. OE's a certified disaster (read:FAIL) and i've missed 2 consecutive ER classes. Finance lect is a waste of time. Damn, i must learn to balance everything.

Anyway, Bapak just bought a new LCD TV. But it's so damn small, only 20".. it's in the living room now, and my eyes hurt as i watched Tottenham take on Liverpool last night. Well, at least i have a whole Home Theatre System in my room! Mwhahaha.. a 34" Sony TV, 3 disc VCD player, Marantz amplifiers, 2 huge Rogers speakers with Subwoofer with a center speaker. Superb. All i need now is a PS2. 16 more days to my 22nd. Take a hint guys.

Below are all the pics from my activities the last few weeks..

The emcees for the bash - Me and Tricia.

Me and Jimbo before the bash.

Fetching Zaid at the airport after a night of fun and Sheesha at Faeeza's.

The guys at Pac Plaza - Alan's Bdae at CB.